“A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.” - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

With me everything I do starts with a thought.  Somehow I think we are all alike in this way.  We contemplate in our minds what we need to achieve.  One must see it there first before it can have a proper conception. I go to the beach looking for heart shaped rocks.  Today I found a heart shaped shadow. Can you find it in my image here?

Image by Mezza - Beach Rocks

Odd how much it hurts when a friend moves away - and leaves behind only silence. Pam Brown

So glad I was an avid Photographer even when I was TEN.. lol!  Michelle Poslla you were so so dear to me! Ily xoox

We all went separate ways as people inevitably do. We all started school in 1965.  My bestest friends were Michell Sofia, Margaret Stuart, Debbie Jones and Debbie Batterham.  Michelle Sofia pictured here on my front verandah when we were ten.  Michelle and I were blood sisters as we jokingly touted.  We had in fact cut our flesh and mixed our blood together to do this.  We were TRUE see even back then. We sadly lost our dear friend Debbie way too early but she was a mum and has a beautiful daughter Nikki.  She would be so so so proud.  I missed her a lot when I left Stanthorpe in 1972. I held those memories close to me through the hell I encountered after leaving the safety of everyone I had ever known and loved.
This was me when I  was nine at Stanthorpe State Primary School.  A golden age of going to school.  The National anthem was God Save the Queen and
we lined up on parade each day to salute to the flag and march into our classrooms with the preciseness of a soldier, we had to Mrs Armstrong, Mr Webb, Mr Waite or Mrs Harvey or Mr Mather were all watching our every moove.  The teacher pictured here is Mr Mather and he used to throw chalk at us in class and hit us in where ever he got us, he was fairly accurate as well. I am fairly sure he married Miss Reinhart who was my Grade 2 teacher.  I have found all of my old friends faces on facebook.  So clock up another major success to the old Face crack as I affectionately call it.   So now we have found just about everyone!

Stanthorpe State Primary School Marsh Street Stanthorpe 1968 ( I am pictured to the left of the teacher)

The pain of the mind is worse than the pain of the body. - Publilius Syrus

 The pain of  a broken heart or heart ache shows up in the brain via an MRI  as the same as if your arm was just severely burned.  I constantly say similar and I do feel like this.  If someone could see the pain they would surely want to graft something on to fix it.

I sometimes feel that I am surely going to just disappear I hurt so much.  It is the most severe of emotions and I try to put on a brave face through that excruciating pain.  No wonder I feel so much.  My senses are all on overload.  I  know what it is like having burns to your skin as well spending quite a time in hospital with burns after a gas explosion.  That was the worst pain I had ever felt to date.

Read more about this here because it is truly interesting.  I guess it would help me if my friends had some idea of the extent of this pain.  Perhaps then they may understand why I can't go anywhere.  My burns are hurting.

 

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/28/burn.heartbreak.same.to.brain/index.html
Images by Mezza and Montana

Although our steps are ordered, our attitude however is adaptable, so just be grateful. Mary Peters 2011

What is an attitude: according to Wikipedia an attitude Psychologically speaking is
a person's perspective toward a specified target and way of saying and doing things.

The Jewish Talmud warns.. Beware of too much laughter, for it deadens the mind and produces oblivion.
I am not sure that too much laughter is bad  for you.  I hear it is the best and cheapest medicine that a person could source for ones own health.  Trust the Jews, they killed Jesus and they want to kill your mirthfulness as well.  Well if you are not studying the Talmud, Laugh.  Laugh like there is no tomorrow.  Tomorrow is promised to  no man or woman so today Laugh! With a attitude of mirth, happiness and gratitude you cannot go wrong in your day.

Image -  Montana-Star  with Barbie Pj's on her head. January 2007

"It's on the strength of observation and reflection that one finds a way. So we must dig and delve unceasingly." - Claude Monet

These landscapes of water and reflection have become an obsession."  Claude Monet.


Like my learned friend I have quoted here, I too have developed an obsession for reflection both in myself and in nature.  Not sure of the direction this is taking me but it is obviously part of the journey that I am on in this dimension.

http://painting.about.com/library/biographies/blartistquotesmonet.htm

Image by Mezza - Dawn Reflections low tide Urunga NSW

"The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it." — Scott Adams.

I love making biscuits.  I love to get the old recipes out and make those biscuits from my childhood.  They taste the same because its the same recipe. 
I make Jam drops and Anzac Biscuits like it was a religion. I made these biscuits all at the same time.

Me in my kitchen cooking biscuits / Urunga 2011

Today I made one batch for a friend because I know that Jam Drops are his all time favourite biscuit in the world and I made a batch of Anzac's for us here at home.  My friend has been very good to us and therefore it is only fitting I return his good natured hospitality with likewise and something he loves. 

He said they were the best he had tasted since his childhood also.  He used to make the same biscuit with his own mother and he said he would always make one big biscuit with numerous jam holes place throughout the entire biscuit.  This makes me want to make one just like this and make flowers out of them.  I plan to make one just like this for him the next time he visits us.

This is the recipe from my Family Cook book, I thought you may love the scanned image of this.

Anzac biscuit Recipe taken from the Commonsense Cookery Book

Standard Jam Drop Recipe

 When my children were small I made Anzac Biscuits that were fortified with all sorts of ingredients ie. Wheat-germ, Tahini, ground nuts etc etc to make them so healthful for the eating that there was never  a problem if they ever wanted to have another.  These biscuits were a meal on their own just about.  I guess the kids don't know I did this because I loved them not because I wanted to be called a liar.  Very sad to have to withstand such scrutiny of your past mistakes and what you thought were small glories that turned out to be not seen as such but seen as dysfunctional lies.  I thought all parents did this sort of thing.  No one was a surprised as me to find out that everything I did as a parent was faulty!  Wow what a mistake it was having kids if I was this bad as a parent.  I am saddened that I am left to think this way.  Oh well I still love making biscuits.

 Images by Brice- Mary cooking and The family Cookbook scanned images.

October 25 2011: " When Mother nature hurtles hail stones at you, GTFO. She never misses or gets it wrong". Mary Peters 2011

This quote of mine came into existence when I had been experiencing a lot of broken heart pain and sadness.  I felt I could not go on.  I realized that I needed to change my attitude and get a little smarter. 

Something else I realised is that the supreme creator of the entire universe is perfectly aware of all of this and never gives me more than I can handle in one day!

I have to use my smarts about things though.  This is the deal we have, I use my common sense and the creator creates and together we make it  a day to remember.

Image by Mezza - Augmented image flagstaff hill Urunga

Base Facts...

Lets Base it...

                          After 50 everything dropz ~ Mary Peters 2011

Dub-step is one of my new favourite genres of music!  Its all about the base drop.   It occurred to me that having one of my alter ego's thus being Melonpop and one of my favourite blogs being Melonpopzdropz.  Sometimes I write about dub-step, but mainly it is the rhymes I drop.

Image by Mezza - Dripping tap at the foreshore at dawn 2011

The day of ones birth is special

Happy Birthday to my old mate Dean who turns 42 today.  Ten years junior to me and much more wise than I will ever be.

Mary-Ellen, Dean & Leanne on Badger's wedding Day.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille ball

Image - Taken Gleniffer 1992 circa Me and Dean and Leanne and John (out of view)

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

"SPRUNG HIP HOP FESTIVAL" - River Stage Brisbane 2011

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeated.
~ Helen Keller

Most important thought, if you love someone, tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. Walter Payton

We all said goodbye for the last time on this earth to our dearest Texsy last Friday the 7th October 2011.
Her funeral was very very well attended and I do think that Tex would have been blown away.

Remember, tomorrow is promised to no one. ~ Walter Payton

It was very sad for me as I tried to enter the church, once again I was over come with shock.   The shock that this really was real.  I would never again see my Texsy on this earth. 

Her coffin and her service and the music were all so beautiful and moving,  what I remember of it.  I was totally distraught and  thoughts of Texsy and all of those times we had shared together would not stop racing wildly through my head.  I found this very very difficult and sad and I wasn't sure how to deal with it.  It will be difficult not to fall into tears each time my thoughts wander to her.  I loved her.  I loved her spirit and her friendship and her enthusiasm for life even after it had dealt her the blows it already had.  I will miss my friend and life will not be the same ever without her in the world.

Her final resting place is under the most beautiful tree left in the Bellingen Cemetery.  She is with her pop. 

Texsy was only 32 years old and it will take a long while for this to sink in.  She was tragically run down on the side of the road by a driver who was rumored to have be drinking at the Federal Hotel for and extended period of time that day and evening.  The accident occurred not far from the Masonic Lodge on the western road out  of her beloved Bellingen.
Terri-Lee Rowe b. 31.07.1979  d. 29.09.2011 bur. Bellingen  NSW.

Image by Mezza - Funeral at Bellingen Cemetary 2011

I Love Butterflies... but I hate the effect...

The Butterfly effect..   Quote by Mary-Ellen Peters 2011.

The Butterfly Effect despite being the name of a very well known Australian band.   Coincidentally,  I love their music and have seen the band perform live a couple of times.  So yes apart from this band, The Butterfly effect is a well known phenomena, it effects me so strongly at times the wings are like wings of steel.  It is the flow on effect of a situation.  Some say "If but for"... it has many variations.  Here is the original science of it.

According to wikipedia sources:

The term "butterfly effect" itself is related to the meteorological work of Edward Lorenz, who popularised the term.
The butterfly effect is a common trope in fiction when presenting scenarios involving time travel and with "what if" cases where one storyline diverges at the moment of a seemingly minor event resulting in two significantly different outcomes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect

"The Butterfly Effect" is also a movie starring Aston Kucher..


Image by Mezza -  Butterfly in face paint ..

I am at the moment in a state of grieving

R.I.P.

Terri-Lee Rowe 31.07.1979 - 29.09.2011  

Affectionately known as "Texsy"
aged 32 years

Tragically taken in an accident.

You will be in all of our hearts for eternity Texsy. 

When someone you love or who you are very close to passes from this world ... dies, it is so hard in the beginning.  You cannot even think straight and can barely think to be able to exist to get to the end of the day. This isn't going to go away in a hurry either.  Each day I will get up and feel what ever it is I feel, and each day the shock will dull a little with time.  It is not going to happen straight away though.  I have lost my mother and my father and I have lost many friends along the way which is sad.  It takes years before the grief lifts to a really manageable point.

On Friday when Montana called me and told me about Texsy's tragic demise, I at that moment lapsed immediately into a state of shock.  I really didn't think I could breath properly, Montana was on the other end of the telephone and I was alone here.  My partner Brice had taken our dog for a walk and I was supposed to be getting into the shower.  He took much longer than usual.  I was so distraught.  I tried to call Cathy, to know avail.  My neighbor Ian came home and I rushed into his arms as I surely felt I was going to pass out.  He spoke to Montana on the phone and he took me inside and comforted me until Brice got back with the dog. 

I just could not stop crying and crying and crying.  I had to think clear enough to make a decision that I could not do radio that day.  I could barely see or think.  I didn't think I could drive.  I really knew I could not talk on air and be Miss pleasant! No not this time!  I am good at putting on brave fronts but not this time.  I immediately planned a fire at the beach.

This is what I do when I am happy or sad.  I always want to light a fire,  So we did.  We started to walk out along the walkway to the beach and my body just hurt so much I was having difficulty walking out!  We went home and got the car and drove to Hungry Head, one of my favorite places.  We walked onto the beach and went around under the face of the cliff.   Together Brice and I piled wood upon wood  and lit the fire in  our friend  Texsy's memory and to enable the smoke to pass over me and try to heal me a little.  We just cried for her and looked into the stars.  I was sure she would just turn up.  Silly hey.

The next day I was numb.  I could not think straight and I just spoke to lots of people and took endless phone calls.  I got angry a little bit.

On the third day after this tragic occurrence I woke up really angry.  I wanted revenge and I wanted people to pay for my tragic loss.  The key here is "my"  my tragic loss.  It is normal to get angry when someone you love is so needlessly taken away.  I do think it is a different sort of grief involved with this sort of death.  Just writing death and Texsy in the same sentence doesn't seem right.  My feelings were in a bad shape.

My thoughts once again were darting all over the place, back to times in the past, different events that had occurred.  The passing of our dear friend Kim last year.  How that tragedy changed all of our lives forever, and how that changed the way that I was allowed to be a friend to my friend beautiful Texsy.  Kim lost his life and sadly as a really outside consequence still of that same black time; sadly now Texsy has also lost her life as well.

I loved her so much.  I have had many friends and good acquaintances over the long years of my long life. No one touched me like Texsy did.  I never wanted to call someone my daughter like her.  We were so close for so, so long.  We worked together along side of each other in the Garlic.  She was a star in the paddock, always there, always dependable, always so enthusiastic about growing things.  I had found someone who thought similar to me.  She was just so beautiful.  No one could work wearing the cloths that Texsy did.  She was a classic.

As we became very close she confided in me with so much of what had troubled her soul.  She had not had the happiest of starts in life.  She lost her dad and grieved to the day she herself passed for him. 
She ran away at the young age of 14.  She was hanging out with her cousin Janine and her partner and all of their friends.  She remembered her cousin Janine telling her about me.   She told me all this after we were friends.  She had,  like me tried to find love in all of the wrong places. 

Our young lives were so so similar. It was really strange as I was exactly 2o years older than she was.   We shared so many of the same views on life and how it works for the not so lucky in life.  How life can be cruel and heartless.  She shared with me stories that I know no one knows of.   I know so much about her,  I loved her dearly.  The more she told me the more I loved her and wished that things could have been different for this girl who had a heart as big as they come. 

Texsy was at times so naive that it hurt me, it was just her beautiful innocence.  I always tried to show her anything a mother would show or tell a daughter.  She said I was like a mother and a friend to her.  She said many, many times that she wished I was her mother.  I was so touched that she would even think this way.  I was honored to recommend her for anything as she was the best worker I had ever come across besides myself.  I consider myself an honorable employee and she was the same! 

We had so much fun working together on the garlic,  we worked for Peter and for Paul.  That in itself lent to us much humor.  She was always ready at the crack of dawn 5am and off we would go.  Laughing and loud as we both were.  Turning up to the paddock in the dawn before the sun come up.  Celebrating the absolute joy of just being so blessed to be where we were at that moment.  We talked so much working together and doing it tough in the blazing sun.  So many happy memories I have of these times.  She was my partner, my co-ee, my best buddy,  we just loved each other.

Tex was always there for me during the toughest times in the last 6 years while I was separating and divorcing my then husband of 25 years.  She knew him and his family well.  It gave us an even stronger bond.  Her grandmother and my mother in law were best friends.
We both knew what it was like to have to fight for everything you ever got in life and that it isnt a pleasant place out there at times.

My children grew to love her as well, especially Montana who Texsy doted on and was so impressed with everything that I tried to do for her.  Her own little self inside was screaming each time wishing she had these same opportunities and the love that I had for my children.  She saw the unfairness dealt to me from being the Non - local in the disastrous relationship I was fleeing.  She was one of my rocks through that time.

We used to get pretty wasted together drinking.  Both of us also sharing a massive love of bourbon.  We did drink our share that is for sure.  We both breathed a sigh of relief when Bulliet stopped producing the 9% cans here in Australia, we were surely addicted to getting so smashed and falling on each other in a pile and laughing!  After not smoking billies for years I had my first billies with texsy lol.  funny as, and then the rest is history, we were on a mission to have as much fun as was humanly possible while keeping it all together.   Oh well that is glossing over quite a few years there.

When  Brice came home from jail, Texsy was with me when we were talking to him many times.  We were both in effect single at the time and we wondered who he liked .. we felt he liked one of us.  I may just have been the more forward one.  Brice had a special place in his heart for this girl and I can completely understand as he would not want anyone to ever hurt her ever.  We all hung out together for about 8 months and when it happened finally that Brice and I  hooked up...She was over the moon! When Brice and I started  living together she was ecstatic for us both.

We had many funny times, New years eve of 2008/ 09  was one of the weirdest funniest times, I will always smile but now the smile will probably turn to a bucket of tears! Oh dear, oh dear.

Texsy, right now ... Im talking to you,  I cannot believe this is true, I can't believe you are gone from here forever, ffs  why, I just keep asking why?  I am so angry!  Please Texsy send an angel to guide me too,  I will need it now really strong!  I am over come with grief and sorrow.  One because your gone and two because I don't know if you were hurting!  I do hope it didn't hurt my love.  I hope it was so swift and that you felt no pain while God reached out and grabbed you!  I cannot even bear to think about any of this my love.  Please do send as many angels as you think are necessary.  Please sleep well.  I know you love sleep.  You will do this better than me I am sure!

Yes see I cannot help but talk to her, she was not allowed to fraternize with me on the outside in reality, her boyfriend Heber forbid her to see me anymore from the time that our other friend Kim and garlic farmer lost his life. Another tragedy we were all involved in deeply.  Her boyfriend didn't heed my warnings and Texsy almost met with drama however the drama I was concerned would happen did happen and he lost the plot completely taking a girl we knew hostage and assaulting her.  This same thing could have happened to Tex, this is what I feared happening.  I didn't want that girl to go to bed another night in her life with shit like what could eventuate from this situation.

I was so angry with him because he would not listen to me.  The idiot never came back an apologized to me and said he was sorry for doubting me when all came to pass and then Kim hung himself, and Texsy was forbidden to have anything to do with me unless in secret.  In the end she was so sick of him dictating the crap that he did and she added me back on face-book and we started a brand new relationship. One that was guarded because of the situation. 

Recently for my birthday we celebrated going to the Bliss n Eso concert together.  We were planning on ridding ourselves of unemployment through planting an organic garden.  She finally got a job at a Nursing home in Nambucca Heads because of the shining references that Paul gave her.  He told them they would be mad not to employ her! 

Texsy finally had it all going for her.  She agreed a license was on the agenda next.  I had promised to teach her to drive.  I told her I could teach her but I could not teach my own kids.  That was funny, It was because I had worked with her and I knew her strengths and I trusted she would listen to me.  I didn't trust my kids would do the same.  I was so looking forward to teaching you to drive Tex.  It would have given me credibility as a good teacher, never mind a car don't matter now!

I will endeavor to get through this time and be a better person because I have known you and had you in my life to teach me the  things you have about taking care of myself.  No one ever did what you did Texsy.  No one ever pampered me like you did!  I will miss you like crazy!  I am feeling that God gave us this year that we could not hang out so much so that I would be able to deal with this.  God saw it coming, we didn't.  I always told you God was real.  This only cemented my faith, as for once I haven't had near enough friendship with you yet!  We were going to go to Uluru together remember.  Oh Texsy!  I love you always.

This photographic inclusion here was taken approximately 14 hours before the last time I touched the comfort of you soul close to  me.. please stay in some way but also go and be free.  Stay in my memory and send your angels to help me!
Other articles:
http://mezza-onthehill.blogspot.com/2011/10/to-my-dearest-texsy-death-is-nothing-at.html 

Image by Dom Oakes friend.

This the texture of Conjecture

” Its hard at times in a beautiful world and its beautiful at times in a hard world”. 

~Mary Peters 2011

Conjecture is a proposition that is thought to be true despite being primarily based on something inconclusive.

There is a lot of conjecture about the entity in space on its way to a planet near you.  It is difficult to get the full science on this as there is so much to wade through.
Just Sayin..
Suffice to say, I think it is already affecting our planet's electromagnetic forces that vibrate through the earth and out into the infinite universe.  I have given it much thought and have come to the conclusion this is the reason behind the bizarre mass death occurrences of various species across the planet recently.
It is a beautiful creation but sometimes its not easy and so once again we will be called into question as the planet does a big heave ho soon.   
For people who are having babies, the prospect is much different now as to what it was when I had my children over 20 years ago.  Its a frightening prospect at times.  But always there will be beauty in a hard world" and each day we arise with the gift of hope.
At the moment I hope the hell this thing completely misses us.  Any more major disasters like the ones in recent times and the earth will surely crack like a fragile egg.

Image - Graff N friend

“One can begin so many things with a new person! - even begin to be a better man.” - George Eliot Middlemarch

The Perfect Life..

Many have remarked on  my situation in the last two years and say this, " Your life would be perfect if the kids would stop treating you the way they do"  Yes, emphatically  I have to agree.
My life would be perfect.  I have no ex-husband with anger, alcohol, gambling and sex addiction issues. Piece that against this situation,  a new person to share my life with that respects me and loves me and cares for me and doesn't hurt me and who isn't a drinker or a gambler.

There is not much of a choice here is there. I did make the right choice, I know this.

My new life partner is a good person.  They are now being tainted by the poison of BALDWIN.  It is a lethal poison.  My life was nearly snuffed out 17 years ago and I am glad to report that I am alright.  I am very shaken but ok and alive.  He attempted to kill me with a gun.  My landlord saved my life and the lives of my two children at the time. So, now on top of that I am now cast into the "mother wilderness".  Labelled a "Bad mother"," a mental case",  someone who cares for unimportant things, someone who does not have a proper job ( Garlic work according to this source is not real work).  In the last two days we can add thief to the list.  My son is sending me a letter of demand for something he gave me two and half years ago.  My life would be perfect if I didn't have and imperfect life before this perfect life.
Like Niki Minaj says...Excuse me your a helluva guy....

Quote from: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/new-beginnings

Rainbows bring hope

The soul would have no Rainbow if the eyes had no tears!

 ~ John Vance Cheney

Rainbows bring hope...
This is a double rainbow, and when Brice saw it he said to me., "There look what he has given you".  Wonder who the "HE" is he was speaking of.  I know who he meant!  He meant look what the creator of the universe has given you to cheer you up.  I love that Brice understands the connection to creation now, this does make me very happy indeed.  I have lots to be unhappy about, but when Brice says this then I trust that God is close and so are the angels.

Image by Mezza - New vegetable garden up the side

2+3 = 5

Happy Birthday Jesse,

 I love you . . .

The day I found you were growing in my belly was one of the happiest days of my life.  Holding you for the first time was astonishing, remarkable, wonderful, incredible, astounding, wonderful, incredible and miraculous.

I love you

I love you  and I wish you well,  I wish for you many beautiful children and a happy fullfilling life. Thankyou for coming into this world through me.  For what its worth son, I loved it.

The day I learned of your extreme disapproval for having had to be born through me "Of all people", was  a day  that I would like to erase from the ether... that can't happen.  A person only has the moment they are living in.  I am sorry for you and for me.

Sombody I Used to Know - Kimbra

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache 

I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end

A real friend is one who walks in when everyone else walks out. - Walter Winchell

Unexpected is always great..

Montana in 2008

 Today I was more than pleased to receive a phone call from old friends and former Brisvegus / Bellingenites.  What a surprise to see how the twins have grown.  How gorgeous is Leanne, like not a day has passed!  So beautiful,  I will probably never see them again.  Not now,  they are supping with the King this evening and I don't mean Elvis.
I want to be wrong!  I know this will never end.  The king will keep issuing proclamations and not a thing will  be resolved and once again what ever the king will wish will be the way it is!  That will be the end as usual.  Nothing is ever the same after the king waves his sepulcher in the air. 

Image by Mezza - Montana eating Pavlova.

For you today Mum... have a great day!

Today's post is for a great woman, a woman above all other women.  A woman who was so strong..

Ellen Katherine Baguley 

formerly of Warwick Queensland,  resident of heaven now,  may God's hand continue to hold you.

Today I am having a day with my mum................. in spirit!  

You passed from this world now some 13 years ago.  Today I am dedicating my day to you, and what ever I do today will be done with you in my mind.  I will play my songs to you today.  Our radio show today at 4pm will be for you Mum.

Ellen Katherine Baguley

Born 17.02.1931 ( I think)  Ellen Katherine Baguley ( Peters, Frazer).. What a gorgeous strong woman you were.  You got more than your fair share to deal with,  I know.  I know how much you must have hurt now.  My heart is with your heart and I love you.

 Today mum, all the guitars are for you my love.  I love you!  If I had known that you wanted a guitar so much I would have given you mine.  I am smiling though, because now, when I play any guitar, I will play for you so you can play with me too.

 I miss you mum, so much!  If only we could see the full extent of the choices we all make in life.  You didn't and I have followed in your footsteps.  I too have made some fairly poor choices.  I acted out of emotion or the lack of it.  Now as I sit with you and cuddle you in my mind, I know how you must have felt.  Stuck and unable to change the wrongs that had occurred,  feeling like the machine was bigger than you.  Yes, I know how this feels.  I feel it, you felt it and Mary my grandmother felt it.

I sit in awe here with you at the moment and I think its time we changed this.  What you reckon?  Its time that this stuff stopped following the woman of this family.. No more, and so together we will pray.  In the name of the God we both know is true and real ... I ask Lord, that this curse be broken in the name of Jesus Christ . . .Amen.. ... ... There.. that is so much better now!

 I have been stuck in the past mum,  I was waiting for you!  It sounds silly hey, I know.  But in a weird way this is what has happened, our lives were parted so soon and yet we bonded like no two other woman on this earth in that four short months that we had together!  I forgive you for making a bad choice,  I don't think you were bad.  I think I have been in your shoes myself.  I think I understand.

Ellen Baguley aged 15 years

Its not pretty is it?  Not when it comes on top of a life time of heart ache shame guilt and all that other stuff all of us woman have felt...... Well, making decisions and choices are not easy to do!  Always feeling damned if you did and damned if you didn't.  The eternal quandary we all as woman from this family have faced.

Ellen on the farm at Pratten  1977

But for today and for the future this is broken now and we will seize the day ... Carpe diem..  and we will now go on now a bit better shape in which ever dimension we are in. 


We will be as strong woman should be.  We who have endured and who have been to the edge of the fires of hell,  and survived it. When the heat got too hot maybe we should have got out of the kitchen, just saying...

 Mummy I love you so so much and I love your beautiful voice.  I  can hear you in my mind. 


I lay in bed and picture your heavenly body to be as gossamer as the stardust and your radiant beauty is shining down for all to see

You have an awesome day Mum ... what ever you do in heaven,  hanging out with angels must be fun.  I have had a few here lately, I suspect that you sent them, every one.  You and the boss.  He understands all that has gone before us and what will be ahead of us.
Images - Ellen Katherine Baguley ( Peters; Fraser)

 This song is for you mum, I was inspired by my friend Mandie.  It is her wedding song and today is their anniversary,  when I listened to the song the second time, I knew you would like this one too.  I love you mum.  xoxooxox

If a child lives in criticism They learn to condemn

Guiltee Giltee Guilty!

Large and small strawberry blossoms

My own children had a partially difficult time as I negotiated life with their father.  But, my children were never subject to the abuse that my mother and myself endured.  Sick horrible abuse.  Abuse from people who others respected in the community.  Back in those days no one knew or if they did well I guess they didn't care.
As a parent, I asked for help along the way.  I was always honest.  I spoke up when I wasn't coping,  there wasn't any help though. Not from any government departments or child workers.  None.  I even rang the department myself.  I told them the situation, they were not interested.  I hadn't hurt my kids so what is the problem.  The problem was I had no idea.  It is humorous to me now that I rang DocS   (recently renamed FACS)  It is funny to me because it is akin to ringing your own mother,  the government was my parent, I had been a ward of the state until 18.  Who else was I going to call.  Ghost busters.

A Space Rock Perhaps

What we saw at dawn today.  I have to admit I was moved by what I saw in the dawn sky as the sun was about to tip over the edge at dawn.

Some say its an asteroid, others say it is the planet Elenin or Nirbiru.  A brown planet.  Either way its out there and we saw it!
Image by Mezza - Hungry Head Headland view of  Celestial something?

One's best success comes after their greatest disappointments.~ Martin Luther King Jnr

Ticket Release Exhaustion 

I feel a sense of absolute disappointment.  It is a hard place to be when you have looked so forward for so long and even wrote letter's to our government in Marshall B Mathers defense.  I wanted to get him here.

I failed..  I did not get a ticket for Montana or for myself.

 Maybe we should hope for Melbourne to get a second show!

Image by Mezza - Cold hard feeling of disappointment just like dawn in a main street.

The Smoke was incense

The smoke was offered back as incense to the supreme creator of this universe.  

Giving back the lesson from whence it came is a powerful experience.  In the beginning, there was a passion that was a hot as this fire.  

This passion was behind my creation.  

Experience

•  The apprehension of an object, thought, or emotion through the senses or mind.

•  Active participation in events or activities, leading to the accumulation of knowledge or skill.

•  An event or a series of events participated in or lived through.

•  The totality of such events in the past of an individual or group.

Burning the experience and giving it back to the source is an effective tool in freeing the spirit of the instance that it wasn't accepted at the time.  This is a gift!

"Angels Play a Dope Game" - A tribute Sept 11 commemorations...

"Angels Play a Dope Game"

~ by Mary Peters

"What the hell is happening man"

I was suddenly full of fear N dread

And then...

I heard the angels in heaven

Crying,

Screaming,

Running

They were there for them

Everyone of them

I could hear their songs...

calling them

And I was watching the angels

They were catching them

All of them

No one hit the bottom

It just looked that way to us

The angels did a massive job

And believe me it's a plus,

They had it covered

that day - The day

the one that changed the way..... all of us play.

"Oh my God,

Is it really gonna be over?

Are we all heading for that biblical clover"?

For the full poem head to this site:
http://melonpops.wordpress.com/2011/09/10/angels-play-a-dope-game-tribute-911/
Image and Poem by Mezza

“For a moment, nothing happened.

 “For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen

 Douglas Adams (British comic Writer, 1952-2001)

The Early Garden and the Vegetables in late 2010.  When we came to this magical spot the soil for any sort of gardening was sadly missing .. we kept finding little tiny coloured rocks everywhere from past discarded fish tanks and that was about the only thing colorful.  We first had to fix the shed floor and the rubble and dirt made the basis of the first garden.  It was there for one season and we moved the entire garden down closer to the house.

Not sure but it does seem at times here that you can see things growing.  We just love the garden and we love growing some of the things we eat on a regular basis.

Image by Mezza - Garden in Morgo August  2010

A BIG BIG ROCK

 "My own view is that this is the last chance that human beings will have to truly align themselves with the cosmic plan. It is now or never and if you do not think that the Conscious Convergence has something to do with you, your not understanding it"
 quote by Carl Johan Calleman Ph.D. in Physical Biology 
University of Stockholm

I predict we will have a major earthquake in the region of the pacific into the USA and it could have dire consequences for Australia as well.   I think this will happen on the 19th of September 2011.  It is my son's birthday that day.  Big event to have to remember it.  I hope I am wrong but the birds fell out of the sky and the fish beached themselves and now we have Sammy the seal sleeping under the bridge here in Urunga!  He is a long way from home too.

Full Moon over the ocean looking over the foot bridge

 Amateur Russian Astronomer Leonid Elenin - discoverer of Comet Elenin


Some of these claims, specifically about Elenin and the March 11th M9 earthquake in Japan, seem to have some basis in fact, as we've explored. Electromagnetic effects from planetary alignments, resulting in seismic activity, is a definite possibility given what we've pieced together.

Dreams do come true

“Don’t let anyone steal your dream. It’s your dream, not theirs.” ~Dan Zadra

When you dream I think you are in touch with creation at its core.  You no longer have control, the God part takes over.

Surreal stick dwellings at the Heads symbolic of a dream state

The universe does not lead us up the garden path without rhyme or reason.

~ Mary Peters ~

Toast Urunga

On Sunday it was very busy on Morgo... with TOAST URUNGA.  It really is a little festival that I don't althogether understand the reason for.  It seemed to be a lot of food , wine and music.

Image by Mezza - A butterfly emerges ... Toast Urunga 2011

On the Garden grows

This garden is amazing, it has given us both so much  pleasure as we watch new life happen.  Life that truly nourishes the body, mind and spirit emerges from the earth.

I tend to get emotional at times during this process.  Not because I am strange.  I feel the vibrations of the plants.  Sometimes they tell me they want to move or they want to be somewhere else to thrive. I feel them say hello to me in the morning and each day I purpose to go and say hello first thing.

This process of wanting to move or be moved imitates our human existence or does our human existence imitate this process of nature?... Either way they are connected and I feel blessed that I feel what I do.  A sky full of lighters up to the true nature of everything.

It does not matter what others think of this, the message is for me and I received it.

In the end this is all that is matters concerning this

Image by Mezza - Down the side early Aug 2011

Sappho

Today I am in love with Sappho..
"If you forget me,
think of our gifts to Aphrodite
and all the loveliness that we shared
all the violet tiaras,
braided rosebuds, dill and
crocus twined around your young neck

 

Sappho (săf'ō), fl. early 6th cent. B.C., Sappho circa 630 B.C. She was the greatest of the early Greek lyric poets.  (Plato calls her “the tenth Muse”), b. Mytilene on Lesbos.  

She was an aristocrat, who wrote poetry for her circle of friends, mostly but not exclusively women. 

Image by Mezza - Honeysuckle in bloom

2455 REPRESENT

 And so we are trying to rein things in here by transferring my other gardening posts from my poetry and writing blog Melonpopzdropz.. 

You already know that I have dedicated this page to blogging about my yard!  I spend so much time there that really it deserves a page all of its own!  Special place my backyard and my garden.

 I could be accused of being biased, however I don't care.  I think that we live on the most awesome piece of the Australian coastline!  The Mid North Coast of NSW.. The Pacific Ocean greets me each morning as I look out my back door and look at her!  She is a terrifying and powerful force.

Hearts

 They figure big around here, look closely for more hearts in unusual places.

My  flower of a  Billbergia sp.

So this just happens to be the best photograph of any flower I have ever taken! I am so glad to share it here with you.  What do you think?

Images by Mezza - Plants and special things

“We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision.”

Jonathan Swift quotes (Irish Author and Satirist of prose, 1667-1745)

The edge of Australia ...

OUR OUTBACK

So this is what we see when we wake up and look out the back door!  Most certainly worth photographing wouldn't you say?  Low tide is pictured here but this changes.   Fisherman regularly fish here for many and varied species!  I have caught many fish here myself and really I need to go again soon. It is just a wonderful place to be.

The KALANG and the BELLINGER River's head out east here to PACIFICA through what is called Bellinger Heads.  These days there is a purpose build walkway that is adjacent to the mouth of the river out to the beach.  This makes for a much easier passage by foot to the ocean.  

Image by Mezza - Dawn over the rivers August 2011

Necessary Knowledge

I am Strong, because I have been weak,

I am Beautiful because I know my flaws,

I'm a Good lover because I'm a great fighter, 

I am totally fearless because I've been very afraid 

I am WISE because I have been very foolish...

And I can laugh because I have known true sadness...

Today is the second day of spring.

The Photograph - was taken in the late afternoon with a storm pending, these beautiful purple flowers appeared amongst the Lantana on the cliff behind my house.  Each day new blossoms bloom out there and so I am sure there will be many more photographic opportunities out there.

Didn't we have some massive spring rain last evening!  With that came a washing of the mess we had made in the garden the last couple of days.  We moved the compost and the making of the new garden alongside the fence.  Feeding of all the worm farms came in perfect time for all of this.

The new rocket is up already and the beans I planted the other day have sprouted through to keep the other beans company. They are already performing early and a little out of season.   Now the season is approaching where I will reap so much for our efforts.  I plan to blanch and freeze in recycled margarine containers the excess so as to insure a steady supply of food for the next few months.  

The Garden on right hand side behind the shed is now sporting a potato mound in front of the banana trees and they seem to being doing well.  It is my plan to get this mound to approximately 3 feet in height. I will do this with a series of sticks standing up and newspaper wadding as my sides similar to the "potatoes in tyres" idea and my newspaper will break down and this should theoretically have potatoes all the way through this mound once the flowers have died down the track.  We shall see how successful this is.  Today we will transplant some seedlings to a much needed new home and the weekend is approaching.  The garden loves the weekend.

Image by Mezza

I seriously think we are SPRUNG!

Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation...... Alan Cohen

  

Spring...

Aussies can mark the first day of spring today by tiptoeing through the tulips, as the island shakes off the winter chill and bursts into life with flower blooms in brilliant colour.

Pretty purple blossoms on the hill

Although we have had warm hints of spring in the past couple of weeks, today is officially the first day of the season.

Some argue that spring doesn't actually begin until the equinox, on September 23, but Bureau of Meteorology and climatology say this is the farewell of winter for 2011.

This Spring, marks the first entire season that I am no longer considered a mother,  spring is a time traditionally when birth occurs and new life!  I had given birth myself  to my son in Spring.  It was the lovliest time.  I time that I will never ever forget.   Now,  I am in my own personal winter  no matter what the season outside is saying to others. 

I will look at the flowers and try to find the true beauty there and not look at the false humanity that is ever so close to me.  I will pray for a swift end to my winter.

Image by Mezza - Spring flowers in bloom on the hill in Morgo street.

So much to grow

 Sentimental Rox is going to begin blogging our other most favorite past time and that is the garden. 

 It is something I eat from and feel so close to like "they" the plants are all my friends. 

Tomato Plants

I am an avid believer in growing what you need and use on a regular basis.  For instance it would be madness for me grow something I don't eat or cook.  I try to stick firstly to the staples of onions, potatoes, beans, spinach, parsley, thyme, carrots and following that the list is endless and it is hard to stop.

          .....oOo.....

The garden is a major source of enjoyment and fulfillment to my partner and myself.  Each day there is something to do and tend.  I go and greet the garden each morning with so much joy.  I am more than sure they know that I am there everyday.  Everything has and is growing wonderfully.  

Strawberries in Coke planters on the fence

                    ....oOo.....

The strawberries who I call Good charlotte berries are prolific.  I have now made purpose built strawberry planters from halves of coca cola plastic bottles and attached them to the fence with zip ties that are removable.  This way they are able to cascade down with their beautiful nutritious fruit ... they love it there!

The main focus of the day today is the compost heap.  We have decided to re position it  as it went where it was by default.  The rest of the vegetable garden has a new home so now the compost will as well.

Rooting Powder is amazing stuff.

This is a cutting:

Now This is one is so pretty but I cannot tell you what it is called.


What I can tell you is this:

Rooting Powder is amazing stuff.

I had to leave the mother plant at my house in Bellingen and that was sad, so I got some rooting powder and chopped off some branches and dipped them in the powder and voila they rooted!  sounds gross I know.  Your mind not mine, this powder is also called Hormone Powder.  It causes the plant to form roots – How? I'm not sure but it works. 

So this photograph was taken  a year later and this plant is thriving!

Rooting powder is most certainly extremely helpful in starting plants from other parent plants.  Recently I started a Rosemary cutting in the same fashion.

Image by Mezza - A successful cutting