Saturday, June 30, 2012

Gratitude brings true Freedom

"There was the cycle of the mineral, the rock. There was the cycle of the plant. And now we are in the cycle of the animal coming to the end of that and beginning the cycle of the human being. When we get into the cycle of the human being, the highest and greatest powers that we have will be released to us. They will be released from that light or soul that we carry to the mind. But right now we're coming to the end of the animal cycle and we have investigated ourselves and learned what it is to be like an animal on this earth.
Within seven days of the time the Eagle landed on the moon, the Freedom of Indian Religion Act was introduced into the United States Congress.
Eventually it was passed in November of 1978, signed by President Carter.

Prior to this It was punishable to go to jail for 10 years and/or a $10,000 fine for singing, dancing or doing a ceremony, like the Sweat Lodge or the Sun Dance.
IMG 2001 Cover Me
Green Party
At the beginning of this cycle of time, long ago, the Great Spirit came down and He made an appearance and He gathered the peoples of this earth together and He said to the human beings, "I'm going to send you to four directions and over time I'm going to change you to four colors, but I'm going to give you some teachings and you will call these the Original Teachings and when you come back together with each other you will share these so that you can live and have peace on earth, and a great civilization will come about." And the Creator said "During the cycle of time I'm going to give each of you two stone tablets. When I give you those stone tablets, don't cast those upon the ground. If any of the brothers and sisters of the Four Directions and the four colors cast their tablets on the ground, not only, will human beings have a hard time, but almost the earth itself will die."

And so the Creator gave each of us a responsibility that Indigenous peoples call the Guardianship. To the Indian people, the red people, the Great Spirit gave the Guardianship of Mother Earth. We were to learn during this cycle of time the teachings of the earth, the plants that grow from the earth, the foods that you can eat, and the herbs that are healing so that when we came back together with the other brothers and sisters we could share this knowledge with them. Something good was to happen on the earth.

To the South the Great Spirit gave the yellow race of people the Guardianship of the wind. They were to learn about the sky and breathing and how to take that within ourselves for spiritual advancement. They were to share that with is at this time.

To the West the Great Spirit gave the black race of people the Guardianship of the water. They were to learn the teachings of the water which is the chief of the elements, being the most humble and the most powerful. When I went to the University of Washington and I learned that it was a black man who discovered blood plasma, it didn't surprise me because blood is water and the elders already told me the black people would bring the teachings of the water.

To the North the Great Spirit gave the white race of people the Guardianship of the fire. If you look at the center of many of the things they do you will find the fire. They say a light bulb is the white man's fire. If you look at the center of a car you will find a spark. If you look at the center of the airplane and the train you will find the fire. The fire consumes, and also moves. This is why it was the white brothers and sisters who began to move upon the face of the earth and reunite us as a human family.

And so a long time passed, and the Great Spirit gave each of the four races stone tablets. Ours are kept at the Hopi Reservation in Arizona at Four Corners Area on Third Mesa. I talked to people from the black race and their stone tablets are at the foot of Mount Kenya. They are kept by the Kikuyu Tribe. I once had the honour of presenting a sacred pipe at the Kikuyu Tribe carved from the red pipe stone of Mount Kenya. I was at an Indian spiritual gathering about 15 years ago. A medicine man from South Dakota put a beaded medicine wheel in the middle of the gathering. It had the four colors from the four directions; He asked the people, "Where is this from?" They said, "Probably Montana, or South Dakota, maybe Saskatchewan." He said, "This is from Kenya, Africa" It was beaded just like ours, with the same colors.

The stone tablets of the yellow race of people are kept by the Tibetans, in Tibet. If you went straight through the Hopi Reservation to the other side of the world, you would come out in Tibet. The Tibetan word for "sun" is the Hopi word for "moon" and the Hopi word for "sun" is the Tibetan word for "moon".

The guardians of the traditions of the people of Europe are the Swiss. In Switzerland, they still have a day when each family brings out its mask. They still know the colors of the families; they still know the symbols, some of them. Each of these four peoples happens to be people that live in the mountains.

So we went through this cycle of time and each of the four races went to their directions and they learned their teachings. It was in Newsweek not too long ago that eight out of ten foods that people eat on the earth are developed here in the western hemisphere because that was our Guardianship, to learn the teachings of the earth, and the things that grow from the earth. We were given a sacred handshake to show when we came back together as brothers and sisters that we still remembered the teachings.

It was indicated on the stone tablets that the Hopis had that the first brothers and sisters that would come back to them would come as turtles across the land. They would be human beings, but they would come as turtles. So when the time came close the Hopis were at a special village to welcome the turtles that would come across the land and they got up in the morning and looked out at the sunrise. They looked out across the desert and they saw the Spanish Conquistadores coming, covered in armor, like turtles across the land. So this was them. So they went out to the Spanish man and they extended their hand hoping for the handshake but into the hand the Spanish man dropped a trinket. And so word spread throughout North America that there was going to be a hard time that maybe some of the brothers and sisters had forgotten the sacredness of all things and all the human beings were going to suffer for this on the earth.


So tribes began to send people to the mountains to have visions to try to figure out how they could survive. At that time there were 100,000 cities in the Mississippi Valley alone, called the mound civilization: cities built on great mounds. Those mounds are still there. If you ever go out to Ohio or the Mississippi Valley, they're tourist attractions now. There was 100,000 cities of Native people and they were wondering how they could survive. They began to try to learn to live off the land because they knew a hard time was going to come. They began to send people to have visions to see how we could survive this time. People came on the east coast and they went across this land to the west and they were told in the prophecies that we should try to remind all the people that would come here of the sacredness of all things. If we could do that, then there would be peace on earth. But if we did not do that, if we had not come together as a human family, the Great Spirit would grab the earth with his hand and shake it.

And so, if you read the treaty negotiations from Red Jacket of the Six Nations on the east coast of this land clear to Chief Joseph and Chief Seattle on the west coast of this land, they all said the same thing. Chief Joseph said, "I accord you the right, and I hope you accord me the right, to live in this land." Always we were trying to live together. But instead of living together, you all know there was separation, there was segregation. They separated the races: they separated the Indians, and they separated the blacks. In the state of Washington it was against the law for an Asian to marry a white person up until not too long ago. There was separation.

So when they got to the west coast of this land the elders that were made aware of these prophecies said they would then begin to build a black ribbon. And on this black ribbon there would move a bug. And when you begin to see this bug moving on the land, that was the sign for the First Shaking of the Earth. The First Shaking of the Earth would be so violent that this bug would be shaken off the earth into the air and it would begin to move and fly in the air. And by the end of this shaking this bug will be in the air around the world. Behind it would be a trail of dirt and eventually the whole sky of the entire earth would become dirty from these trails of dirt, and this would cause many diseases that would get more and more complicated. So the bug moving on the land, of course it's easy to see now. In 1908 the Model-T Ford was mass produced for the first time. So the elders knew the First Shaking of the Earth was about to come about- that was the First World War.

In the First World War the airplane came into wide usage for the first time. That was that bug foretold moving into the sky. And so they knew something very important would happen. There would be an attempt to make peace on earth on the west coast of this land and so the elders began to watch for this. They began to hear that there was going to be a League of Nations in San Francisco so the elders gathered in Arizona around 1920 or so and they wrote a letter to Woodrow Wilson. They asked if the Indian people could be included in the League of Nations.

At that time the United States Supreme Court had held that a reservation is a separate and semi-sovereign nation, not a part of the United States but protected by it. This became a concern because people didn't want the reservations to become more and more separate. They didn't want them to be considered nations. So they did not write back and the Native people were left out of the League of Nations, so that circle was incomplete. In the League of Nations circle there was a southern door, the yellow people; there was a western door, the black people; there was a northern door, the white people; but the eastern door was not attended. The elders knew that peace would not come on the earth until the circle of humanity is complete, until all the four colors sat in the circle and shared their teachings, and then peace would come on earth.


So they knew things would happen. Things would speed up a little bit. There would be a cobweb built around the earth, and people would talk across this cobweb. When this talking cobweb, the telephone, was built around the earth, a sign of life would appear in the east, but it would tilt and bring death. (the swastika of the Nazis) It would come with the sun. But the sun itself would rise one day not in the east but in the west. (the rising sun of the Japanese Empire) So the elders said when you see the sun rising in the east and you see the sign of life reversed and tilted in the east, you know that the Great Death is to come upon the earth, and now the Great Spirit will grab the earth again in His hand and shake it and this shaking will be worse than the first. So the sign of life reversed and tilted, we call that the Swastika and the rising sun in the east was the rising sun of Japan. These two symbols are carved in stone in Arizona. When the elders saw these two flags, these were the signs that the earth was to be shaken again.

The worst misuse of the Guardianship of the fire is called the "gourd of ashes". They said the gourd of ashes will fall from the air. It will make the people like blades of grass in the prairie fire and things will not grow for many seasons. I saw on television not too long ago that they were talking about the atomic bomb, the gourd of ashes. They said it was the best-kept secret in the history of the United States. The elders wanted to speak about it in 1920.

They would have spoken of it and foretold it's coming if they could have entered into the League of Nations. The elders tried to contact President Roosevelt and ask him not to use the gourd of ashes because it would have a great effect on the earth and eventually cause even greater destruction and a the Third Shaking of the Earth, the Third World War. I'll get to that in a few minutes.

So they knew after the Second Shaking of the Earth when they saw the gourd of ashes fall from the sky then there would be an attempt to make peace on the other side of this land. And because the peace attempt on the west coast had failed, they would build a special house on the east coast of this Turtle Island, and all the nations and peoples of the earth would come to this house and it would be called the House of Mica and it would shine like the mica on the desert shines. So the elders began to see they were building the United Nations made out of glass that reflects like the mica on the desert so they knew this was the House of Mica and all the peoples of the earth should go to it. So they met and talked about this. They said that in the 1920s they had written and they had not been responded to, so they said this time we better go to the front door of the House of Mica because things might get a lot worse.

So elders representing a number of tribes drove to New York City. When the United Nations opened they went to the front door of the house of Mica and they said these words: "We represent the indigenous people of North America and we wish to address the nations of the Earth. We're going to give you four days to consider whether or not we will be allowed to speak."

They retreated to one of the Six Nations Reserves in New York State. The Six Nations Reserves are keepers of the Great Law of Peace of the prophet that appeared here in North America, Deganawida. And this Law of Peace is still recited; it takes four days between sunrise and noon. Each year an Indian, by memory, must recite it about this time of year. Four days later they came back and I believe the nations of the earth heard that the Indians had come to the door. And they voted to let the Indians in. They wanted to hear what they had to say. But the United States is one of five nations of the United Nations with a veto power and still they were concerned because this time the Native sovereignty was even stronger. And I believe they vetoed the entrance of the Native people.

So then they knew other things would happen on the Earth, and the United Nations would not bring peace on earth but there would be continuing and deepening confusion. And that the little wars would get worse. So they retreated to the Six Nations Reserve and they talked about this and they said the time is really getting close now... 1949. They said, "We're going to divide the United States into four sections and each year we're going to have a gathering. We're going to call these the 'White Roots of Peace Gatherings'." They began to have these around 1950. And they authorized certain men to speak in English for the first time about these prophecies.

One that I used to listen to many times, over and over, was Thomas Banayaca. He is a Hopi man. He was authorized to speak in English about what was on the stone tablets and he has dedicated his life to doing this. And they began to tell us at these gatherings, they said "In your lifetime you're going to see things happen." It was strange when they said it in the 1950s and 1960s but now it seems very clear. But then it was unusual... They said "You're going to see a time in your lifetime when the human beings are going to find the blueprint that makes us." They call that now, DNA, deoxyribonucleic acid. They said, "They are going to cut this blueprint." They call that now, genetic splicing. And they said, "They're going to make new animals upon the earth, and they're going to think these are going to help us. And it's going to seem like they do help us. But maybe the grandchildren and great-grandchildren are going to suffer"... The elders said long ago, "They will release these things, they will use them." This is going to be released not too long from now. They are making new animals. The elders talked about this. They said, "You will see new animals, and even the old animals will come back, animals that people thought had disappeared. They will find them here and there. They'll begin to reappear."

They said, and I know many of you are from tribes that also have this prophecy, "You're going to see a time when the eagle will fly its highest in the night and it will land upon the moon." Some tribes say the eagle will circle the moon. Some tribes say the eagle will fly its highest in the night. "And at that time," they say, "Many of the Native people will be sleeping," which symbolically means they have lost their teachings. There are some tribes that say it will be as if they are frozen: they've been through the long winter. But they say, "When the eagle flies its highest in the night, that will be the first light of a new day. That will be the first thawing of spring." Of course, at the first light of a new day, if you've stayed up all night, you notice it's really dark. And the first light, you want to see it, but you can't. It sneaks up on you. You want to see it change but its dark and then pretty soon it's getting light before you know it. We're at that time now. The Eagle has landed on the moon, 1969. When that spaceship landed they sent back the message, "The Eagle has landed." Traditionally, Native people from clear up in the Inuit region, they have shared with us this prophecy, clear down to the Quechuas in South America. They shared with us that they have this prophecy. When they heard those first words, "The Eagle has landed," they knew that was the start of a new time and a new power for Native people. There was absolutely nothing strong before us now. We may do anything we wish.

In 1776 when the United States Government printed the dollar, in one claw [of the eagle], if you've ever noticed, there is an olive branch in this claw. They said that represented peace. The Indian elders shared with me in South Dakota that to them that represents the enslavement of black people. In the prophecies of the Six Nations people they say there will be two great uprisings by black people to free themselves. We've seen one about 1964. There will be a second, more violent one to come. I'll get back to what that means in a minute. In the other claw is 13 arrows. The founding fathers of the United States said that represents the 13 States. But the elders say that represents the enslavement of the Native people. When the Eagle landed on the moon, they decided to print a special silver dollar to commemorate that. I don't know how many of you noticed it. The original design showed the spaceship landing on the moon but at the last minute it was changed to an actual eagle. And in the eagle's claws is the olive branch, but the arrows are gone. The elders said, "That's our prophecy- we have been released." There was one more uprising coming for the black race of people and then they will be released and this is also going to have an effect on Native people, a good effect. There's a whole new set of prophecies from the Iroquois people about that and I won't have time to go into that this morning.

But we're in that time now. We're between the first light of a new day and the sunrise. The sunrise is about to come and when it comes up everyone is going to see it. But you know how it is in the village there's a few people that get up early, and there are some that sleep until noon. They said when that Eagle lands on the moon, the powers will begin to come back to us. As an alcoholic person, I feel that one of our greatest diseases is alcoholism. Within seven days of the time of the Eagle landing on the moon, the first Native alcoholism program was started on an Apache reservation in Arizona.


Within seven days of the time the Eagle landed on the moon, the Freedom of Indian Religion Act was introduced into the United States Congress. Eventually it was passed in November of 1978, signed by President Carter. Prior to this It was punishable to go to jail for 10 years and/or a $10,000 fine for singing, dancing or doing a ceremony, like the Sweat Lodge or the Sun Dance.
This was changed in 1978. the legislation that made this possible was introduced in 1969, less than seven days after the Eagle landed on the moon. These are the physical manifestations of the spiritual prophecies that we have.
The Elders said at this time you're going to see that things will speed up, that people on the earth will move faster and faster. Grandchildren will not have time for grandparents. Parents will not have time for children. It will seem like time is going faster and faster.
The Elders advised us that as things speed up, you yourself should slow down. The faster things go, the slower you go. That is because there's going to come a time when the earth is going to be shaken a third time. The Great Spirit has been shaking the earth two times: the First and Second World Wars to remind us that we are One Human Family, to remind us that we should have greeted each other as brothers and sisters. We had a chance after each shaking to come together in a circle that would have brought peace on earth, but we missed that.


Tonight they were talking on the news about the sign for the Third Shaking of the Earth. They said they're going to build what the elders called the "House in the Sky". In the 1950s they talked about this: they will build a house and throw it in the sky. When you see people living in the sky on a permanent basis, you will know the Great Spirit is about to grab the earth, this time not with one hand, but with both hands. Many of you of Indigenous background may have heard "the spirits will warn you twice, but the third time you stand alone." We've had two warnings, the first two World Wars, but now we stand alone in the third one... There will be no-one protected. When this house is in the sky, the Great Spirit is going to shake the Earth a third time and whoever dropped that gourd of ashes, upon them it is going to drop.


They say at that time there will be villages in this land so great that when you stand in the villages you will not be able to see out, and in the prophecies these are called "villages of stone", or "prairies of stone". And they said the stone will grow up from the ground and you will not be able to see beyond the village. At the center of each and every one of these villages will be Native people, and they will walk as "hollow" shells upon a "prairie of stone". They said "hollow shells" which means they will have lost any of their traditional understandings; they will be empty within. They said after the Eagle lands on the moon some of these people will begin to leave these "prairies of stone" and come home and take up some of the old ways and begin to make themselves reborn, because it's a new day. But many will not.   


And they said there's going to come a time when in the morning the sun is going to rise and this village of stone will be there, and in the evening there would just be steam coming from the ground. They will be as steam. And in the center of many of those villages of stone when they turn to steam, the Native people will turn to steam also because they never woke up and left the village. And this used to bother me when I was a young man. I used to ask the elders, "Isn't there anything we can do?" And they said, well, it's just that way that if a person does not have the spiritual eyes to see, it's very hard to show them. Or if they don't have the ears to hear, it's very hard to speak with them. We wish that we could go get them all but we can't. It's just that some are not going to wake up. But some will wake up.

And so they say there's going to be the "third shaking of the earth." It's not going to be a good thing to see, but we will survive it. We will survive it. And when we survive it, then there's going to be another attempt to make a circle of the human beings on the earth. And this time the Native people will not have to petition to join but will be invited to enter the circle because they say the attitude towards us will have changed by then, and people will let us into the circle and all the four colors of the four directions will share their wisdom, and there will be a peace on earth. This is coming close. A lot of times when I share this message of the prophecies, people say, "Can't we change it? Could we stop it?" The answer is yes.

The prophecies are always "either/or". We could have come together way back there in 1565, and we could have had a great civilization, but we didn't. Always along the path of these prophecies, we could have come together. We still could. If we could stop the racial and religious disharmony, we would not have to go through this third shaking. The elders say the chance of that is pretty slim. It seems to me like it's pretty slim, too. But they say what we can do is we can "cushion" it. The word we use is "cushion". We can cushion it so it won't be quite as bad. How do we do this? We do this by sharing those Sacred Teachings that will reunite us.  Dr Lee Brown

Image by Mezza - Green carpet of nature's love of nature  
Prophesy story by Dr Lee Brown  http://www.fwii.net/
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Friday, June 29, 2012

Osiris

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Many do not know who Osiris was beyond that he was one of the old Egyptian gods. Even Egyptology experts are at loggerheads about who he was. Some of them say he was a myth, others a symbol only, and yet others that he was a King who lived somewhere. In a monastery in Tibet I found some tablets referring to Atlantis and among them a history of Osiris: it reads:

''Osiris was born in Atlantis 22,000 years ago (according to reckoning of time). When a young man he went to the Motherland to study for the Priesthood. When he became a Master he returned to Atlantis. There he devoted himself to eliminating the extravagances, superstitions, misconceptions and inventions that had crept into the Atlantean Religion. He then installed again the original religion of love and simplicity. He was then made the High Priest of Atlantis, a position which he held during a long life. When he passed on the Religion was called after him The Osirian Religion."
This religion was carried to Egypt by Thoth and became the Egyptian religion.

Image by Mezza - The pool of reflection at Vee's
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Thursday, June 28, 2012

"You're more trouble than the children are" is the greatest compliment a grandparent can receive.

 ~ Gene Perret ~

My Great Great Grandmother

The quote tells me it is fine to remain young in your mind and never forget your playfulness as this is where our imagination is and our imagination is where it ALL happens.

Image from the Trove - Death Notice for my great great grandmother 1928

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A time of pure love is upon everyone, Beauty is in the eyes of thy spirit . . .

by Keala Nohea on June 2, 2012

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Hanging on to Mother Earth
When I came upon this I was very moved.  I thought of Montana-Star.  My youngest and wisest child.  My thoughts wandered to the fact that Venus the planet of love was in her house of communication,  the third house and it was so close to the sun which was in Gemini at the time also .. Montana I want for you to feel and be all of these things. 
Destiny is the journey of you own..
Look though the  spiritual heart..
And all things will become clear..
Prepare to fill our Mother Earth with unconditional love..
Enlightenment is upon thee and one must embrace it..
Walk in the spiritual light of unconditional love..
Emanate it through your being..
Bless all that comes upon thee..
Let go of all the negative energy..
Be adorned by the light of Pure Energy..
For only you can carry the gift of pure light
And bless others from with in, bringing it out to all..

Bless others for all of you're beautiful life with the wonderful spirit you carry within you. You are a star in my universe forever and you will always be in my heart energy for eternity.  I love you with all I have and all that I am.  I am who I am and I cannot send me back for a different model less damaged.  These are things that occurred without my permission.  I am very sorry for this.  I know that you will understand what has gone before us.  I know that you will not allow this to continue anymore.  I love you for this and I will rest easy knowing our heritage and womanhood is in safe and beautiful hands. 
Image by Mezza - Two Toes of a Camel in the NT

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Last Prophesy

 ~The Last Prophecy~  Written 5oo years before my son was born...   I wondered when I read this .. is this it?  Is this the one?  Mother Shipton.

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When boats like fishes swim the sea
"In nineteen hundred and twenty-six
build houses light of straw and sticks.
For then shall mighty wars be planned
and fire and swords shall sweep the land.

When pictures seem alive with movements
when boats like fishes swim beneath the sea
When men like birds shall scour the sky.

Then half the world, deep drenched in blood shall die.
For those who live the century through
in fear and trembling this shall do.
Flee to the mountains and the dens
to bog and forest and wild fens.

For storms will rage and oceans roar
when Gabriel stands on sea and shore,
and as he blows his wondrous horn
old worlds die and new be born.

A fiery dragon will cross the sky
six times before the earth shall die.
Mankind will tremble and frightened be
for the six heralds in this prophecy.

For seven days and seven nights
man will watch this awesome sight.
The tides will rise beyond their ken.
To bite away the shores and then
the mountains will begin to roar
and earthquakes split the plain to shore.

And flooding waters rushing in,
will flood the lands with such a din
that mankind cowers in muddy fen
and snarls about his fellow men.

He bares his teeth and fights and kills
and secrets food in secret hill
and ugly in his fear, he lies
to kill marauders, thieves and spies.

Man flees in terror from the floods
and kills, and rapes and lies in blood
and spilling blood by mankind's hand
will stain and bitter many lands.

And when the dragon's tail is gone
man forgets and smiles and carries on.
To apply himself - too late, too late
for mankind has earned deserved fate.

His masked smile, his false grandeur,
will serve the gods their anger stir
and they will send the dragon back
to light the sky - his tail will crack.
Upon the earth and rend the earth
and man shall flee, king, lord and serf.


But slowly they are routed out
to seek diminishing water spout
and men will die of thirst before
the oceans rise to mount to the shore.
And lands will crack and rend anew
do you think it strange, it will come true.

And in some far - off distant land
some men - oh such a tiny band
will have to leave their solid mount
and span the earth, those few to count.

Who survives this  and then
begins the human race again.
But not on land already there,
but on ocean beds, stark, dry and bare.

Not every soul on earth will die,
as the dragon's tail goes sweeping by,
not every land on earth will sink,
but these will wallow in stench and stink,
of rotting bodies of beast and man,
of vegetation crisped on land.

But the land that rises from the sea
will be dry and clean and soft and free.
Of mankind's dirt and therefore be,
the source of man's new dynasty.
and those that live will ever fear
the dragon's tail for many year
but time erases memory
You think it strange. but it will be.

And before the race is built anew,
a silver serpent comes to view
and spew out men of like unknown
to mingle with the earth now grown
cold from its heat and these men can
enlighten the minds of future man
to intermingle and show them how
to live and love and thus endow.
the children with the second sight.
a natural thing so that they might
grow graceful, humble and when they do
the golden age will start anew.

The dragon's tail is but a sign
for mankind's fall and man's decline.
and before this prophecy is done
I shall be burned at the stake, at l
My body singed and my soul set free
You think I utter blasphemy
your wrong. These things have come to me
this prophecy will come to be."

Mother Shipton (1488-1561)
Image by Mezza - Men fishing before dawn in Urunga NSW

Monday, June 25, 2012

"There are days where I think I'm going to die of self-satisfaction!" El Salvador Dali..



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Cup of Coffee Cake covered in Cream and grated chocolate
There are days when it is just that good.  There are also times on those days when it isn't so great.  Times of reflection that usually occur before the sun peers over the horizon of the ocean are the toughest times to transit.  I purposefully spend time to meditate at this hour but on the same hand  this is also the time it gets to me as well. 

I have to really put in an effort to be unswayed by this.  I am aware of the vibratory nature of such devious plans that are hatched  ie like the one  hatched against me.  John is now wondering why I am not dead.  His plans have come to nothing then.

He himself is praying to the great prostitute.   It is puzzling as this is hardly a legitimate place from which to hurtle personal attacks at me or make up stories that could be proven to be lies if tried.

My body tells a truthful story.  The answers are all in my blood.  I will take a lie detector test and I will have exhaustive blood tests if I was called upon to prove my innocence and to prove the heinous nature of their lies and destruction on purpose.

So it isn't easy for someone so emotionally challenged to get to a place where one feels like they are going to burst with so much self satisfaction.  This happiness is a direct result of being in the flow of energy.  When you are in the flow you achieve outstanding feats of all differing descriptions.   When gossip and made up stories are much more inviting than the truth then really we all know who the small minded faeries are don't we?  The small mindedness of such wicked Wicca..

I got some magic that will lick her sicker
And turn her hair whiter heaps quicker .  
This is ancient bones and to the point
Laying in the foundations of that IGA joint
They point north east to you
In the direction of your smoke selection too
I don't want to trouble you
but this will be the end of  the WWW 
And her journey upwards
Don't let me be the one to trouble you.  ( a poem written about evil shit)
New dawns upon the batted lawns,
got your stolen tye-dye neck tie
Give it to me, Let me see
I will show you NECK TIE!
Move over I ain't buying :
Oh and lol at you
Looking like a fat Trevor Hendy frying
you're fully fired up and got your hands crack tied
And all I can say is you call that baptised
When dee?  When are you gonna hit me.
I can't wait coz I can lip read
Laughing at you fully.. You guys act so bully
Why?  tell me?
Why you act so holier than thee?
Image by Mezza- A cake I made for fun to amuse Montana



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Sunday, June 24, 2012

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.

Leo Tolstoy

IMG_4803
A warrior of Light
“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what lies before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it!”
 ~ Thucydides ~

Those two warriors are friends of mine,
one of them patience
and one of them time
Time is on my side
and patience is a virtue
very true
Its what keeps me from falling through
Holds me up like a post without an office
Can I get used to this?  I feel such a novice
Patients is a good friend as I sit here and wait for this nightmare to end!
M Peters

Image by Mezza - Al at Valla
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Saturday, June 23, 2012

Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe (1809–1849)

IMG 2030 Crowded Woods
Tree lined road on the Promised Land Loop Road.
Life appears to be just that at times. A dream with in a dream.  I have had this feeling and I wrote a short story regarding this dream within a dream that I had!  If you want to read it you may, and you will find it by clicking here.

In Joan Baez's "The Dream Song", the lyrics discuss a dream-within-a-dream resulting from her apparent awakening. The lyrics end "When I really woke I was frozen in between; I didn't know who I was, it was a dream inside a dream; It's all a dream."
This  has been written and sung about on many levels.  I, myself have read things in my dreams, it is funny and when I read what I read, I never ever forgot this either.  I remember reading a card once and it said " I am Beelzebub".  Knowing this was another name for Satan and being just 22, I was a little perturbed with this dream at the time.  It was a hectic dream looking back now on this.

Today is my friend Nicole Cremona's birthday, many happy returns to her on this day! I hope all of her dreams come true.

Image by Mezza - Tree lined road on the Promised Land Loop Road.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Oh, give me something to remember you by.

Howard Dietz

Peace reigns once more..

I have no reasonable download left to talk about.  I don't seem to mind really as it helps me to get away from the computer and focus on other things.  some of my more creative hands on projects.  I have just painted 42 can lids with rust proof paint and made a heart stencil for some of the decorations on these!

Image by Mezza - Fullmoon off Urunga 2012
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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Just look at us. Everything is backwards, everything is upside down."

“Doctors destroy health, Lawyers destroy justice, Psychiatrists destroy minds, Scientists destroy truth, Major Media destroys information, Religion's destroy spirituality and Governments destroy freedom.” 

 ~ Michael Ellner ~

IMG 1071.1 Tree Shadow
The Spar...isn't a Spa

I just look  around me.  This is all backwards too.  A strange kind of feeling pervading in my soul.  One of those " can't put your fingers on it feelings"   but it's there no less, and it is very real.  I know these vibrations which  I am feeling again.  

For so long this has happened and it has played havoc with my head.  It was like I was hearing a tape player inside my head of the  other persons head.  I could hear their thoughts is what it was like.

I find this very daunting at times as it can lead me to being very self righteous in my own defense.  After all, it is what you do when you defend your self against what you hear.  One thing that is forgotten by me in this equation is that others cannot hear this same stuff.  I am defending air.  I look silly.  Others love to tell me I am paranoid, trouble is they say it with a fearful look on their face like they know they are making it up saying this, the compulsion to cover this is very great in people.

I have this occurrence happen often, and this is the reason I say some of the things I do.   This can make others feel uncomfortable if I have just verbalized their intimate thoughts I suppose.

This video has been a favorite now for a couple of weeks.  Its Daily Meds. and like the video say's , "Its a time warp here waiting for stormy weather,
                    ............... so c'mon lets get our shit together."


Image by Mezza - Brick Wall at the Spar that isn't a SPA
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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

“Reflection is a flower of the mind, giving out wholesome fragrance; but revelry is the same flower, when rank and running to seed.”

Desiderius Erasmus..

IMG 1053 River reflections
River Reflections

This is one of the best places to sit at dawn in the sun!  There is a lovely place and a nice bench, a gorgeous tree to sit under.  The view is more than breathtaking and the river is energetic.  There is a well maintained  path leading down so you don't get your shoes all wet getting there.  It is one of my special spots.  A great place to take in the world when you are being kind to yourself.  The energy there is healing.  The sounds are beautiful and melodic and rhythmic. 

Image by Mezza - The Kalang River at Urunga

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

“Socrates had a student named Plato, Plato had a student named Aristotle, and Aristotle had a student named Alexander the Great.”

Tom Morris

IMG_2791
The footbridge is constantly changing
I duly think it is time I visited the Akashic halls.  I am overwhelmed at the amount of knowledge I want to understand and if my maths is still in tact, there does not seem to be the amount of years between here and there. 

I already sleep the least I can so there are as many hours possible to engage in learning practices of the most ancient kind.  The investigation once again into the Kabalah and to the body of Hermetic wisdom.  I am extremely excited by this because for as long as I can remember I have been quoting hermetic wisdom and actually participating in meditations all of my own intuitive leading.  To realise that I already had a huge knowledge basis that was vital to an easier understanding was a beautiful moment. I felt then that it was not a waste of time. 

I had studied Anatomy and Physiology and I had studied everything to do with naturopathica.  I attended the Maureen Wells School of Naturopathy.  I enjoyed the herbal and the acupuncture and I loved everything I learned about the cell salts.  Bach flower remedies are amazing and I was I suppose as per the norm for me, I did become a tad overwhelmed.  I had always desired not to be a practising Naturopath but to attain the knowledge of one who intended to practice for a living.  I wanted the knowledge for myself, my family and further for benefit of my friends.

Now I want to tie up the loose ends of this.  I want all of this to fall into place. and because I am visualising this as I type this, then it will happen.  It already has happened and this is my belief system to attain what is required here.

I need a miraculous injection of knowledge of such things as the great writers of antiquity.  I want to understand why the Roman times had to be.  I feel like my sisterhood and brotherhood has been robbed and for this reason I want to understand its place.  Language is also on  my menu of learning.  I tasted Latin as a child and I never forgot what I had learned and I have built on this knowledge since but now I just want to understand so much more.  I want to speak Latin and Spanish.  I love the language and it is similar to Italian and French.  I have learned a lot since I started researching early forms of numerals etc when this blog began.

Below is an explaination of both the Akasha and Esoteric Cosmology, the later interesting me greatly and is what I have been learning about lately.

The Akashic Record

The akashic records are described as containing all knowledge of human experience and the history of the cosmos. They are metaphorically described as a library; other analogies commonly found in discourse on the subject include a "universal supercomputer" and the "Mind of God". People who describe the records assert that they are constantly updated automatically and that they can be accessed through astral projection or when someone is placed under deep hypnosis.

 Esoteric cosmology 

Esoteric cosmology is cosmology that is an intrinsic part of an esoteric or occult system of thought. Esoteric cosmology maps out the universe with planes of existence and consciousness according to a specific world view usually from a doctrine.

Esoteric cosmology almost always deals with at least some of the following themes: emanation, involution, spiritual evolution, epigenesis, planes of existence or higher worlds (and their emanation and the connections between them), hierarchies of spiritual beings, cosmic cycles (e.g., cosmic year, Yuga), yogic or spiritual disciplines and techniques of self-transformation, and references to mystical and altered states of consciousness.

Such cosmologies cover many of the same concerns also addressed by religious cosmology and philosophical cosmology, such as the origin, purpose, and destiny of the universe and of consciousness and the nature of existence. For this reason it is sometimes difficult to distinguish where religion or philosophy end and esotericism or occultism begins. However, esoteric cosmology is distinguished from religion in its more sophisticated construction and reliance on intellectual understanding rather than faith, and from philosophy in its emphasis on techniques of psycho-spiritual transformation.
 
Image by Mezza - Urunga footbridge at dawn

Monday, June 18, 2012

“Opportunities are like sunrises -- if you wait too long, you miss them.”

Arthur Ward

IMG 1939 Ain't It Grand

 The opportunity of a lifetime needs to be seized during the lifetime of the opportunity.   I took this opportunity and I am glad I did as it is a great photograph of dawn and it depicts what we were all doing there on the cliff.
Image by Mezza - Sunrise at Hungry Head

Sunday, June 17, 2012

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”

Albert Einstein ..

SAM 7507 - The Journey woman
Thoughts and Imaginations are best friends.


If you want something to happen you usually run through the situation in your mind.  This is the prime time to build the dream.  When your mind is visualising the scenario, add the creative touch to this and only entertain exactly what you want to happen.  Chasing away all negative thoughts around the situation.  Say out loud to the universe that you are having a great day and thank you.  Sing.  Feel it do something nice for yourself. 

The best thing I can do is see yourself in the blessed life that we are in and not to dwell too much with the painful unexplainable actions of others in other places in the world or here on home soil.  This does not mean I am burying my head.  It means I must be careful where I place my energy because now is paramount ...

Image by Mezza - Me at Uluru taking in the immense country all around me
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Saturday, June 16, 2012

“Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.””

Eddie Lizzard..

IMG 1753 Delightfully Delicious

Making biscuits is such a good piece of fun.  Up early and made a batch of Anzac biscuits because our friend Frank was visiting to look at my computer fan for me.

It was a nice day yesterday and I accomplished much by transferring photographs to Flickr.   I had been slack and some stuff had slipped through my little net of cares regarding the computer and its ability to hang on to crap even after you try to get rid of it.  Well we dealt with this and had coffee and I listened intently to Frank's instructions.

A nice drive to North Beach after this,  the weather is lovely and clear and the mornings are certainly chilly now. 
Image by Mezza -

Friday, June 15, 2012

“The trouble is if you don’t spend your life yourself, other people spend it for you.”

Peter Shaffer
7642 The Getaway Plan
SINGING
Today has been remarkable so far. I have been learning about how our DNA is activated inside of our bodies and what does this.  In studying this I have found  the evidence to how I lost my singing voice in September 2009.  We are beings of light and we are slowed down to a solid by gravity and magnetism.   Our  human pattern is formed by the vibrations all around us and by  the collective consciousness of the universe.

There are only two pattern formers, fear and love.  Both of these we know as emotions. We may think there are many more but these two are the basis of everything we experience and all others are the physical manifestations of fear and love.

Just as music from the radio is a physical manifestation of an intangible signal. Our experience of the emotion is the physical manifestation of an intangible signal as well.  It has been shown that our emotions have a vibratory frequency to them   Fear has a long and slow frequency vibration and love has a  rapid and high vibratory frequency pattern.  

Patterns of emotion are directly linked to human genetic material.   They are like light switches if you like and they shape our physical bodies. An individual living in fear will have less antennae or code sites in the their DNA because of the long slow vibration.  Where as a person living in love will vibrate higher because of the nature of the love vibration being rapid so this touches down more frequently affecting the vibration and raising it even higher.

Anger is experienced due to fear.   Anger causes disturbance in the psyche that manifests itself in the Ego and lowers the vibration in the body.    This manifestation  causes the heart rate and body temperature to rise which are common physical traits that signify anger.

This is proof to me beyond reasonable doubt that emotions directly affect our health much more than we realize.  The sadness and the extreme anger that I experienced when Paul Rogers destroyed my world with his concocted stories is what caused my body to respond in such anger and to take on this lower vibration.   Two days later my singing voice disappeared.  

I have said on a few occasions that I felt it was because I was really sad.  My intuition was telling me the truth.  My body had stopped vibrating on that higher frequency and the physical manifestation of the pain and sorrow changed my vibration and halted my singing voice being able to vibrate.  Singing is a vibration in the vocal chords and is more commonly understood than the vibration of emotion. 

That is how much emotions effect our vibration.  This is a true story and for the last thirty three months I have been looking for the answer to this perplexing situation.   I have always been able to sing!  I loved to sing and singing made me feel happy when there was too much sadness.   I had been able to sing in pefect key since I was a little girl as long as I can remember and many people over the years told me I had the voice of an angel.  I don't have that voice anymore!   It has gone and I can only desire that it will return whence my emotional life is back in order and the negative effects of the madness these two lads created has completely disappeared off the emotional Richter.

Quote supplied by -  http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/life-lessons

For more on DNA Activation - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruqz6Z0Ph28&feature=related

Image by Mezza -Gettaway Plan  Maitland 2012
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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Sunshine all the time makes a desert.

~ Arab Proverb ~

IMG_0078
Austin at Uluru
Every day we are faced with taking the good with the bad.  The bitter with the sweet.  The hot with the cold and the toil with the rest.  Everything you're eye can see is in a state of constant change.  If you want things to stay the same you are fighting the very laws of nature and the  universe.  All things have a season.  Even us!  We have many seasons during our average lifetimes.

The season I am in is like a constant summer at the moment. I am feeling glorious in the thought that I am very necessary on this planet to effect if only those closest to me.  I have a purpose to love and to bring joy my children and fellow man and my love Brice.

Brice makes it all so worth while when things do look dim.  He is the balance that is required to make my spirit bounce the other way when its getting low.  A battery re charge of love.  Love being the highest vibration in this dimension. 

Love  is the notes of the scale of music.  Sing them to yourself and feel the vibration and where it is in your body.  This does work to help heal your own vibrational frequency.

Image by Mezza - Austin Car Badge
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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand.

 ~  Apache ~ 

ALBINO MAGPIE  008
Albino Magpie
If you don't believe in something then you will fall for anything is some thing that I feel is what is wrong with the fabric of our society. 

We have allowed the so called leaders of our society to read us the riot act and tell us how to behave and give us a feeling that somehow we need them.  This teaches us to lose our personal power which is a part of our natural make up and we so desperately need this to ward off the constant emotional attacks that the human is subject to in this dimension in which we dwell.
The world is in a very big change at the moment and we are in the painful process of losing some of our closest friends family and neighbours.  We are losing them with out reason and it is difficult to see why.  It is the vibrational change that is occurring in the atmosphere around us.  This is caused by the upcoming galactic alignment at the end of this year.  The equalisation of the Universe can cause many strange occurrences around us all and we need to be prepared for this and surround yourself with a beautiful and pure white light.

The magpie must have felt something because he turned his complete body white, something is happening to us all.  Be safe to all of my friends.
Image by Suzie - Albino Magpie in Urunga
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Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend personal God and avoid all dogma and theology.

Albert Einstein 

IMG_9929 Uluru Dreaming 2012
Tjukurpa is Anagnu Law and Spiritualism combined.  It is everything.

I look at Einstein and I am reminded of myself.  Not the part where his intelligence is legendary, but the part of Einstein that kept him interested in the nature of everything.

Also alike is the common interest we share  in Spinozism.  Spinoza is a monist philosophical system of Baruch Spinoza where he attests that our universe (cosmos) is a mode under two attributes of Thought and Extension. This was an alternative to materialism, atheism, and deism.

Three of Spinoza's ideas:
  • the unity of all that exists;
  • the regularity of all that happens; and
  • the identity of spirit and nature.
Spinoza's philosophy  was seen as a religion of nature.    Neutral monism,  holds that both the mental and the physical can be reduced to some sort of third substance, or energy. 

These are all the beliefs of the very great Albert Einstein, himself a Pisces.   He was born March 1903 and he died in April 1955.  He died only four years before I was born.  Einstein is so famous for being such a scholar but he is most famous for his Theory of General Relativity.

General Relativity  (GR) is a theory of gravitation that was developed  between 1907 and 1915.  According to general relativity, the observed gravitational attraction between masses results from the warping of space and time by those masses. General relativity has developed into an essential tool in modern astrophysics. It provides the foundation for the current understanding of black holes, regions of space where gravitational attraction is so strong that not even light can escape.


Image by Mezza - Ancient Rock Tjukurpa at Uluru Northern Territory.
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Monday, June 11, 2012

The journey of the Warrior of Light

The moment that they begin to walk along it, the Warrior of Light recognizes the path.
Each stone at each bend cries welcome to them. They identify with the mountains and the streams.

They see something of their own soul in the plants and the animals and the birds of the field.
Then, accepting the help of The Creator and the Creator’s signs, they allow themselves Personal Legend to guide them towards the tasks that life has reserved for them.

On some nights, they have nowhere to sleep, on others, they suffer from insomnia.
'That's just how it is,' thinks the warrior. 'I was the one who chose to walk this path. -
Francis Douglas
8533 Waters Falling
I came across this amazing and beautiful depiction of how it is to be a warrior of Light.  I felt almost a sense of relief when I was reading each line.  Sometimes being caught out at night in strange circumstances usually because of the empathic nature.  Having only fleeting sleep and checking the sky for changes.  What changes?  What am I hoping to see out there when I look?  Really I don't know.  I look because this is beautiful and because us and the stars are linked in some symbiotic and unseen way. 
I wait with an expectant heart to greet the sun as often as the sun allows this.  Sometimes he is away for days at a time.  Clouds and more clouds and rain is all I see today.  No sungazing today.  There will be more time soon.  I firmly believe that the sunshine light heading into my brain via my eyes is switching switches on inside of my body.  I do notice the effects of this as my ability to discern things rises.  Many more occasions that surprise even me.  I don't know how it happens but it happens.

I am in a vibratory loop with other things here I am sure.  Like I am picking up a faint radio signal.  It is quite a special feeling as it always reminds me immediately that me and this earth and this universe are connected in a very unique and special way.  The combined consciousness of the planet is what has to change.  If everyone for instance held the same thought at the same time, man that would create miracles even we would find difficult to even believe with our own eyes.

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great". - Mark Twain
 Surround yourself with more light and stay away from the those people who intentionally pull you down to a lower vibration.  Coaxing you into their small thinking once again.  Stay alert and stay ready for this.  Remembering that to be forewarned is to be forearmed.   If something is going to happen then a greater understanding will be needed everywhere.  Then it will be time for the light to shine again, very very bright!
Image by Mezza - The beauty of water at the Newell Falls NSW

Sunday, June 10, 2012

To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And eternity in an hour.

William Blake 1757 - 1827

Blake is expressing a mystical belief that the microcosm  symbolizes the macrocosm  and that it's possible to experience the macrocosm by meditating on  the microcosm.



IMG 1601 Togetherness
Peace

When you look at  a grain of sand correctly, what you really see is the entire world in a  mystical vision of itself. When you view a wild flower with your whole self present, with all your senses, you really do see heaven.

From this perspective, the palm of your hand is as large as infinity and an hour is as long as eternity.

I remember a biblical verse that goes something like this " A day in the year of the life of the lord is as a thousand years".  I think there is some wisdom contained in this scripture.  The roman's couldn't hide it all.

Image by Mezza - White roses signify Peace


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Saturday, June 9, 2012

...... everything on the earth has a purpose, every disease an herb to cure it, and every person a mission. This is the Indian theory of existence.

Mourning Dove Salish 1888-1936

IMG 1652.CR2 Under the Poinsettia
The flower of Atatürk
Traditionally these are prolific in winter time in Australia, why?   They flog these off around Christmas time as Christmas plant type decorations.  They don't do that well at that time of the year here because it is summer in Australia.  Right now they are flowering everywhere beautifully as they do around Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere where they originated.

In Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs, the plant is called Cuitlaxochitl (from cuitlatl, residue, and xochitl, flower) meaning "flower that grows in residues or soil." The Aztecs used the plant to produce red dye and as an antipyretic medication.

IMG 1651.CR2 Poinsettia StamensIMG 1651.CR2 Poinsettia Stamens (Photo credit: Images @ Melonpopzdropz)Image by Mezza - Poinsettia  http://www.flickr.com/photos/melonpopzdropz/ 
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Friday, June 8, 2012

"Freedom is for everyone, whatever lifestyle they choose, as long as it's peaceful and honest."

 Russell Means/ Lakota

The Hopi say " It is time to get prepared. It is not a time to fear but a time to embrace what will be world unity and eventual world peace. A time when our super senses will be activated fully and we will experience life in a whole new way."

IMG 1438 Crux Australis
Crux Australis
 Here in Australia the politicians have gone completely mad.  The mining industry is a giant and it is eating us up and its a planetary problem!  Our Planet cannot take this.  Our planet is our life,  and the life of our children and grandchildren. 

These fools with degree's are idiots and cannot keep this up.  I fear a civil unrest is applicable in this area as they are not listening to the people.  They are telling us they know more than we do.  I am offended by this as many many times I have predicted the outcome of their mindless legislation year after year!

What we really need here is a new indigenous leader with wholesome qualities to lead us out of this mess as a brother.

Image by Mezza - Crux Australis
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Thursday, June 7, 2012

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

Mahatma Gandhi
My Garden Thyme in Urunga
 It is Thursday and all of the birthdays in this house are over, all the Gemini children have had their fun and cake for another year.  Time to get back to the more mundane things in life once again.  The things that keep us going in our lives.  The nice things of creation and craft.  Some winter cooking and gardening again.

Time also to look at the final move in my life.  I will be going to the New England in about a year and this will be a positive move and I will be free of being here.  I have loved living here on the coast for my entire adult life but it has come time to move away from the edge and stand back.   Just as a train approaches the station, the station master broadcasts to step back behind the yellow line.  This is a line that is deemed a safe distance to stand away from the moving train.  This is a similar analogy for me and it is time for me to take my place behind the yellow line of life and stay safe.

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/happiness
Images @  Mezza  - Garden Thyme and Anzac Biscuits

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow"

" The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” 

Montana and myself on her 16th birthday.
What a joy to spend the day with Montana today and to celebrate her being 16years old.  I remember when Matilda turned 16 and I didn't see her.  It is all still so painful in my heart.  It makes for enjoying the good things in the present difficult.   My heart constantly tries to regain the missing pieces that others have ripped from it and left bleeding on the ground like I was a worthless soul who deserved no love.  After all where is your love stored? In your heart... and my heart is very broken and the love all fell out on the ground and got all messed up and while it was messed up someone else decided to jump on it and totally kill it.  I am still alive and fighting for my very life.  I know that I have come close to death because of the fractured emotional link here.

Matilda ran away from home when she was fourteen years old because I would not stop having relations with my ex.   My ex who was her father whom I was no longer living with.  He was very violent and abusive in the home and life had become very complex indeed.   She kept telling me he was a loser and that when she grew up she was not going to marry a loser like he was.  She used to make me laugh because she would also tell me she was going to marry someone who would buy her a dishwasher. 

This all occurred seven years ago this year.  I have been kept out of Matilda's life for all of these years and this hurts me so much.  I pined for her when she was gone and I begged her father and Jesse to help me to go to see her as I felt that I could not do this alone as Michael her boyfriend had threatened me and so had his mother.  I was up against it for the first time with my children in this way with reference to others and their opinions.  I did not come out of it well.  Is there any wonder to this?  No there isn't as it is well known that children who were brought up in the government care institutions are emotional cripples.

I hate being an emotional cripple.  I hate that I have had to cry so much in my life to relieve the sort of pain that is like a rope around your neck and at times it feels like you cannot breathe.  When is someone going to recognize and stop treating this like its all going to be alright.  It is most certainly not alright a that this happens and no one will help me!  Why?


C. JoyBell C  .http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4114218.C_JoyBell_C_

Image by Mezza - Montana turns 16 years and we are at the Butter Factory Bellingen NSW

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