In Memory of my Mum ... Ellen Katherine Fraser [Peters] (nee Baguley)

 

Deep in thought after the year that has been.  We are here in our new place and I sort of wish I could have my mum over for a coffee. (and a sing song).  She would be so proud of us I am sure.

Today it is the anniversary of her death. It's been 18 years since my mum passed away.  Montana was only a year and a half old when she went.  My poor mummy was just a mere 66 years old and in a flash she was gone.  If she was alive today she would be 83 today.. if my maths is alright.  She was born in 1932 on the 17th February and passed away on the 7th of December 1997 at her beloved home town of Warwick in Queensland. 

I was born there as was all of my brothers and sisters although I have never really lived there other than the first four months of my life.

I love you and miss you Mumma .. I loved the time we did get to have together and I should be a bit more grateful for having had that experience as we did and that you did get to hold all of my little children - It was an awesome day when I phoned you to tell you I was having a baby at last... I hold that moment very dear in my heart.  You had prayed for so long for me.  Sent me special things to help me..  Oh gosh I miss you..  I cry for you still - you would know that since now you are gifted with omnipotence and are with me even though I can't see you.  Sometimes I just long to be little and to have the time ahead to find you again ... I always say I would have done this sooner if only I had known you were just in the next town.  How that flawed me for so long.  I was so devastated we missed all those years together - yes I miss you mummy - sending you big kisses on your cheek and I hope you can feel my love and that you will be there when I come to be with you.  

Love from you daughter .... Mary-Ellen

I found these researching my mums name.  I am so glad my family remembered her.  I won't ever forget her either.

6 year Memorial Notice in the WARWICK DAILY NEWS  (6th December 2003)

FRASER, Ellen Katherine. - 7th December, 1997. You are forever in our thoughts and always in our
hearts. Love always, Ray, David, Jenene, Suellen and families.
Publication Date: 6/12/03

LINK

FRASER, Ellen. - 7th December, 1997. In our hearts you will always stay, Loved and remembered
everyday. Robert and Helena.
Publication Date: 8/12/03

LINK

Images @ Eminpee Fotography

A Better Place

~ Spratt Cre8ive Writing ~




A Better Place
Escape your pain
To a better place,

Where the sky is blue
And the sun shines bright.
Where any cloud
That might appear
Is soft like cotton balls,
And oh, so light.

The grass is green,
The trees also.
And the birds fly gracefully,
And sing their sweetest song.
Escape to a place,
Where there’s endless peace,
And every face carries a smile,
For nothing ever goes wrong.

Don’t worry about us.
We’ll be alright.
Go, without a care
For we’ll all be there,
Someday.

She wrote this for Nanny when she died.  [Her Grandmother / my Mother]

Ellen Katherine Fraser (Peters) nee Baguley.  Warwick Queensland born and bred.

Images @ Eminpee Fotography

The Earth is the Mother of All People, and All People should have equal rights upon it.

~Chief Joseph ~

They see they have zero rights in this action

 Images @ Eminpee Fotography

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

~  Pericles ~

A basket I have nearly finished weaving

I think this is what all mothers would want, to weave love into the lives of their children forever.  You don't stop being a mother..... you never stop being a mother.

 Images @ Melonpopzdropz Flickr

Expectation is the root of all heartache.

William Shakespeare...

 
Some how I expected that children would have their parents in their lives.  At least one parent would have been good.  Here are my parents at the Killarney Show with my Grandparents.

On the 17the February both these people were born.  This is my parents and my father is three years older than my mum.  They have both passed away.  My father passed away when I was 12 years old and my mother sadly passed from this world to the next when I was 43 years old and I had only just begun to know who she was.  I sort of knew my dad and I had a nickname for him and that was "Soredaddy" and that was because I only knew him in a wheel chair.

Images @ Melopopzdropz Flickr

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Albert Einstein

Common sense is also fostered from the freedom to be able to question things and make decisions on the observations at hand.  The situation with legislation and parenting in Australia with the Social Security Act  of 1991 discriminates against a woman's birth right to parent their children effectively and each case needs to be assessed on its own merits.  There are no two mothers alike just as there are no two children alike and the Australian government legislation around this is unfair and unjust. 

This act is the reason the kids are getting out of hand.  The kids have already experienced a number of years having no family support and having  pre and post school hours care by a person or persons not a family member. 

I am not sure who is in charge of making these decisions but it is evident that the entirety of this was not thought through as to what the impacts are likely to be. For example,  children and young persons out control with violence and abusive acts bordering on epidemic proportions. 

I say to our government this is a form of genocide.  More and more family values, family history and family support is legislated out of the equation. There is no chance of amassing any common sense at all and this is clearly evident as youth become more and more unable to make certain decisions that are clearly not age appropriate.

THE ACT STATES:

607  Newstart Employment Pathway Plans—principal carers

             (1)  A Newstart Employment Pathway Plan that:

                     (a)  is in force in relation to a person who is the principal carer of at least one child; and

                     (b)  requires the person to undertake, as an activity, looking for part‑time paid work that the Secretary regards as suitable;

must require the person to undertake looking for such part‑time paid work of at least the appropriate number of hours per week.

Note:          For principal carer see subsections 5(15) to (24).

             (2)  The appropriate number of hours per week is:

                     (a)  15; or

                     (b)  such other number as the Secretary determines to be appropriate having regard to the person’s circumstances.

This is clearly a problem for our police force who are at a complete loss to understand why this is happening.  I think they have rocks for brains if they are that unable to see blatant evidence presented to them regarding this.

Image by Mezza - Memorial Hall Bellingen

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.

-  Jordan Belfort -

For me I really have to step out of my comfort zone.  I really want to go and I will go.  I will have to be good though as I am so naughty because I talk myself out of doing what I want frequently.  Too many opportunities have been lost because I listened to what others had to say.

Image by Mezza - The Chain Fence in Urunga's main street building projects.

Sometimes we have to say good bye to the ones who mean the most to us, Because usually they are the ones who are slowly killing us inside!

This is harder than anything I have ever done to date in my life.  I have had to do this alone and with much judgement and zero understanding.  For this I thank no one.

Many memories just there in front of me to remind me of these things.  The Vase that was on the dutchess the entire time that my children were growing still looks at me and sparkles the same.  It sparkles the same and I don't and that can make me cry sometimes.  I don't mind it sparkling its only the  memories I don't like.

Image by Mezza - The Chrystal in the sunshine

'Corn is sacred, everything that grows is sacred,' she said.

'But I warn you, there will come a time when the sons of your sons will forget this. Then hunger and sorrow will return to the world.' She shook her head. 'It will not end until - unless - their grandchildren learn once more this lesson - the only lesson that is worth remembering: how to love and respect the Earth.' ~ Iroquois Indian legend ~ 

SAM 7836 Promised Land, a photo by Images @ Melonpopzdropz on Flickr.

“If you are thinking 1 year ahead, plant seeds If you are thinking 10years ahead, plant a tree If you are thinking 100 years ahead, educate the people.” - Chinese Emperor Kuan Tsu, 5th century BC

The Earth keeps us alive along with the Sun.  We must respect the earth with the utmost respect and not listen to politicians who have forked tongues and gouge this earth for everything she has! It is RAPE

“The trouble is if you don’t spend your life yourself, other people spend it for you.”

Peter Shaffer

SINGING

Today has been remarkable so far. I have been learning about how our DNA is activated inside of our bodies and what does this.  In studying this I have found  the evidence to how I lost my singing voice in September 2009.  We are beings of light and we are slowed down to a solid by gravity and magnetism.   Our  human pattern is formed by the vibrations all around us and by  the collective consciousness of the universe.

There are only two pattern formers, fear and love.  Both of these we know as emotions. We may think there are many more but these two are the basis of everything we experience and all others are the physical manifestations of fear and love.

Just as music from the radio is a physical manifestation of an intangible signal. Our experience of the emotion is the physical manifestation of an intangible signal as well.  It has been shown that our emotions have a vibratory frequency to them   Fear has a long and slow frequency vibration and love has a  rapid and high vibratory frequency pattern.  

Patterns of emotion are directly linked to human genetic material.   They are like light switches if you like and they shape our physical bodies. An individual living in fear will have less antennae or code sites in the their DNA because of the long slow vibration.  Where as a person living in love will vibrate higher because of the nature of the love vibration being rapid so this touches down more frequently affecting the vibration and raising it even higher.

Anger is experienced due to fear.   Anger causes disturbance in the psyche that manifests itself in the Ego and lowers the vibration in the body.    This manifestation  causes the heart rate and body temperature to rise which are common physical traits that signify anger.

This is proof to me beyond reasonable doubt that emotions directly affect our health much more than we realize.  The sadness and the extreme anger that I experienced when Paul Rogers destroyed my world with his concocted stories is what caused my body to respond in such anger and to take on this lower vibration.   Two days later my singing voice disappeared.  

I have said on a few occasions that I felt it was because I was really sad.  My intuition was telling me the truth.  My body had stopped vibrating on that higher frequency and the physical manifestation of the pain and sorrow changed my vibration and halted my singing voice being able to vibrate.  Singing is a vibration in the vocal chords and is more commonly understood than the vibration of emotion. 

That is how much emotions effect our vibration.  This is a true story and for the last thirty three months I have been looking for the answer to this perplexing situation.   I have always been able to sing!  I loved to sing and singing made me feel happy when there was too much sadness.   I had been able to sing in pefect key since I was a little girl as long as I can remember and many people over the years told me I had the voice of an angel.  I don't have that voice anymore!   It has gone and I can only desire that it will return whence my emotional life is back in order and the negative effects of the madness these two lads created has completely disappeared off the emotional Richter.

Quote supplied by -  http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/life-lessons

For more on DNA Activation - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruqz6Z0Ph28&feature=related

Image by Mezza -Gettaway Plan  Maitland 2012

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Father Larry Lorenzoni

Happy Birthday to me...

My birthday cake

I decided on my birthday I would make myself a nice cake to amuse myself.  I have made many cakes in my years of children and birthdays and a desire to create something fabulous each time.

Today the cake I made I had dreamed about.  I made Brice a cake for his birthday and I had dreamed of this cake since.  In my dreams I saw the changes I was to make to make the cake perfect and so this is what I did today.  I did everything I seen in my nocturnal hours and it was perfect.  It was the best cake I had ever made really!  The taste was exquisite.  A chocolate Mud cake with alcohol and coffee syrup soaked through and then layed with cream and covered in dark chocolate ganache and decorated.

The day was spent showing Montana all sorts of decorating tricks of the trade and this was amazing fun.

http://quotations.about.com/od/funnyquotes/a/funnyquotes32.htm

Image by Mezza - Birthday Cake

I don't believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates. - TS Eliott

So I must be frozen in time at around age 20. This is the image summoned in my head according to Eliott's wisdom in his poetic works.

Groovin The Moo Banner

 I don't think that I will ever really grow up. I will always have a young mind. Part of the reason for this is that I presume I am subconsciously waiting for my mother to come and get me. She has passed from this Earth some fourteen years ago. But, still my body waits for her just as it has done from the beginning when I was a baby of four months old.  
Apparently I just refused to take any nourishment at all and was on the point of starvation and hospitalised due to malnutrition due this blatant emotional standoff.  I wasn't even 12 months old and I was trying to fight for my life in the only ways I had at my disposal.  I fought on my instinctual level because I was a baby.  I was subconsciously waiting for my mother.   I guess the doctors and Edith didn't have any understanding  that a baby has feelings.   My feelings were strong indeed.

I have vivid memories that go back to when I was approximately 9 months of age. This has been fully confirmed.   It was a shock for others to discover that my memories of this  time in my life were so vivid.   I could remember clothing and colours of clothing and where furniture was placed at the time.  I suppose not many people do remember very much before their first birthday. Trust me to have to be saddled with this as well!

I hated the blue restraint they tied me up in and walked me like a dog. It was blue plastic vinyl patent horrid thing .  I hated it!  It was said of me though ; if I didn't have this attached to me they feared greatly for my life. I would surely be dead they told me.   I used to just run. As a two year old I would take off and run  as far as I could run.  I wonder where I was running to?  My mother perhaps?

Funny thing is when life gets too much for me emotionally now, and even in the middle of the night I run.  I have to run and if I don't run I feel I cannot breath and I am being held under.  I run for my life but I don't know why. Is it something inside of me left over  from the trauma of missing my mother?  I am almost sure it is.

The Groovin Banner above  serves to remind me that while ever there is breath I will probably love the things that young people do. Why?  Because I will always be young in my head and I need to be part of something  this age group is part of.  For me to live I need to fit where I fit comfortably  for the myriad of reasons I have said.  This age group may not want me  to fit in either, this could be a problem. So that would render me with  no place and what is new?  I had a huge time at Groovin'.  I wish I could do it all over again.  Festivals are expensive though , petrol and food costs soar these days.

When I look back over my life I sometimes wish things had turned out different. But I really never thought any of these sort of thoughts until I lost my children. Before then I took it all as a learning curve.  Its very different now.  I feel I have lost them due to an inability  in them to understand me. My son for instance calls all of what happened to me in care and later a "FANCIFUL STORY".  This is an unforgivable situation given the circumstances I have been put under and the abuse I suffered just at the hands of the department alone and the sicko's they employed.

I need my son's love so much.   When I needed him the most he abandoned me also. I re-lived all of the pain and fear feelings the original abandonment situation did when I was four months old.  

I have had many times during my life where this situation has replayed.  It is  like someone hit the repeat button. --- "Here is another abandonment for you Mary, you are obviously well qualified to experience this now". Shivers!  I think others would surely die if they had to belly up to what I have to each day on an emotional level when my eyes open and I feel the despair so deep as I do each day when I awake from sleep.

I love my children and I miss them so terribly but I do not own them.   They have their own lives and I hope they are all happy.  That is all a mother can ask for her children.   Sometimes the situation is so surreal it is as if I never gave birth to them. I don't know them anymore.  My body looks like I never gave birth at all. Is this a dream I can wake up from? Oh Lord I wish it were. If I could I would never sleep again..... if I could keep them here in this reality.

Image by Mezza - Groovin the Moo Banners at the Maitland Show in May 2012

The honour is with the woman and their Moccasin tracks.

The honor of the people lies in the moccasin tracks of the woman. Walk the good road.... Be dutiful, respectful, gentle, and modest my daughter... Be strong with the warm, strong heart of the earth. No people goes down until their women are weak and dishonored, or dead upon the ground. Be strong and sing the strength of the Great Powers within you, all around you."

Village Wise Man, SIOUX

The fire hose hoists

For my sisters: There is much esteem given to all of us  by the spirits of our elders because we are woman.  For being created woman is so different to the creation of men.  Men do not give birth.  It is this new life aspect and the ability to replace ourselves that do make us just so different to men.

We as woman rely heavily on our feelings.  Sometimes we call this the psychic ability of womanhood.  They say this comes from just being a mother.  I am not sure of this,  I think that woman are wired so different to men.  They are hard wired emotionally to be able to withstand the greatest tragedies life can hoist at them and still survive to feed the other children all while nursing much sadness inside the tiny life of one mother

My body is alive with feelings.  When my mind has had enough and it is close to snapping, the other side of this coin is that I am operating in life then on autopilot.  This is a self protective measure to alleviate the physical stress of immense sadness and loss.  Something that woman for time immemorial have had to deal with as they have emotionally been placed in the firing line and sometimes have lost even the very children they carried in their bellies for nine months.  This is what will toughen a person up.  Loss always toughens everyone.  This  type of loss makes our hearts a little bitter and sad.  We have to get tough because we are going to lose at some time. Sometimes this toughening is a little premature and is a bodily response to severe sadness

When there is no honor bestowed on the woman for the gallant effort of giving birth then there is a serious fault line forming emotionally. 

When all the conditions are favorable this fault line can be the factor that blows everything to pieces.  It is left unattended and ignored and this can be like pouring petrol on a fire.  Kaboom and everything  blows up again.  The woman can be blamed for being too emotional.  I would like to know who made these so called rules of what is right and good and considered acceptable.  I often wonder was it in fact a man.

When a relationship ends, What hurts more is not the end of it, but the way we have to behave as strangers with persons whom we once thought we can't live without!

The Pilot house side gate.

I was half asleep last night when I started to think about what would be on the agenda today, and I had no idea of what would become of me.  But I was awoken by a very loud noise at approximately 1.30am and then Montana called out immediately as she had heard another before this.  I woke Brice as I usually do but he had been dreaming perhaps and he had not been asleep long enough and he was fully peeved and then one thing led to another and I found that I was running again.

Running is something I am compelled to do when the feeling inside becomes too uncomfortable.  I actually try to run away from it.  I usually do not prepare myself for these so called midnight marathon events and end up a long way from the house with no footwear or dressed inadequately.    I am usually found in a state of absolute confusion and with my face swollen from tears and excess emotion.  The emotion is always fueled by the loss of my children.  The situation has not changed and now it is seriously affecting my emotional health.

I am in danger seriously when this happens, I could be assaulted  or worse.  I am defenseless against the elements or the people.  I am however strangely super strong in these events.  It must be because when I get back my feet are sometimes bleeding.  I never felt a thing while it was happening.  I do not know what will become of me because of this.  I am not sure I am safe to tell any medical people this happens in the middle of the nights this way.  I am afraid they will make me take medicine that I do not want to take.

Medicine can not replace the feelings I am supposed to have inside.  I have the feelings that I do because of these serious abandonment issues from my early life and the trauma of the abandonment of my children is making me re-live this same abandonment trauma over and over and over.  I am in a state of absolute confusion and I am dying because of this unending frustration and the stark sadness of my broken heart.

I really do not know what to do.  Will this will not go away?  The children refuse to see sense with that or even re visit this as an issue so that it can be cleared up.    This is seriously affecting my relationships now with all people and I will have a difficult time the future if I am thwarted from being able to tell get the real truth out there to balance the lies that has been told by the people who have an interest in purporting such a thing.  They are not truths but useless exaggerations.   They are fanciful stories that are not true so much of what they have been told is lies!   I understand this as this is exactly what I went through with my own mother and my abandonment from her when I was four months old.

Image by Mezza- The Dawn Silhouette side gate at the Heritage listed Pilot House Urunga NSW

We are the pulsing field of all consciousness existing everywhere, within everything, beyond past, present, or future.

Layne Redmond

            Full Moon hanging in the morning sky

Rainbow coloured western morning sky with the moon still quite high

This is a beautiful post to write as I have pondered many times the fact of what is written here
Below is the history of how and why and the fact that we are in our grandmothers bellies for a short time while also being in our own mothers bellies when conceived.  There is a reason for this and it is to make sure that the Genetic memory is very very strong.

Before we were conceived, we existed in part as an egg in our mother’s ovary. All the eggs a woman will ever have form in her ovaries when she is a four-month-old foetus. This means that the sacred egg that developed into the person you are now, formed in your mother’s ovary when she was growing in the womb of her mother. Each of us, male and female, spent five months in the womb of our grandmother, rocking to the pulse of our grandmother’s blood. And our mother spent five months rocking to the pulse of her grandmother’s blood, and her mother pulsed to the beat of her grandmother’s blood. Back through the pulse of all the mothers and all the grandmothers, through the beat of the blood that we all share, this sound can return us to the pre-conscious state, to the inner structure of the mind, to the power and the source of who and what we actually are: the pulsing field of all consciousness existing everywhere, within everything, beyond past, present, or future.
By Layne Redmond http://www.moonmysteries.com/buy-the-book
Image by Mezza - Full Moon on the hill