She stays at Tahlie's house every weekend and as much as she can / Jay and Cindy would see her much much more than I have this year! I miss her so much and I cannot fight them anymore over this! She will just have to live her own life and do it with out my help. My help is useless and out dated and out moded and I worry about all the wrong things.
I am not the best mother and I am sorry I didn't come up to scratch. I modeled myself on what others did because I had no role models. Funny how they can do what they do and I can't. I hate the town of Bellingen for helping keep my children away from me and not speaking out for the good things I have done and are still doing or did.
Because my ex husband had various affairs with the IGA girls and then ended up moving in on top of Robyn is not a good enough reason to ditch me as a person, and I will not ever understand this!
I do not know why I bother to even go to radio any more! I don't feel comfortable there either. I love doing radio and doing my show which used to be OUR show. But, everyone I run into wants to talk about Montana. I don't know anything about Montana and they know more than me and I cannot take this embarrassment anymore!
Gail is pregnant ( Matilda's boyfriends mother) and we are great friends, but now I got this feeling like I will not really be on any agenda there as well. I am just sad and I guess the rain made me sad. I am not sure of what to do now in the future as its is looking very very dim and I find that looking to a future without my kids in it too much to emotionally bear! If any thing happens to me then you will all understand why I guess.
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