DON’T EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH..Your agony is only yours. No one else can feel it the way you do. Your traumas and sorrows all fit within you. No one will ever see the torment that’s going on inside you. Don’t anticipate that someone else has a handle on it, or that they will listen carefully to your issues. Even if someone hears you, that does not necessarily mean they are “listening” to you, or that they even care to hear. They just don’t want to say no to you. You need to determine it for yourself.

~ Neena Gupta ~

Gripped by the destructive pain of loss on the daily, I am all but destroyed before I begin.  Each day is a struggle to wake and to not fall apart. 

This has become the norm.  I call it the mid morning rush.  It is 3:35am and its dark and most are sleeping.  I am awake recalling sweet memories of children so delightful and warm and then from left field comes the imaginary bulldozer to knock it all apart. Tears well in my eyes.  I struggle to breathe.  I get angry and sad all at once.  I sit in the dark and drink coffee and smoke a cigarette by the fire and stare into the flames, thinking, twisting my hair for comfort and focus.

Torn in two inside.  Torn between feelings of disappearing and finding a tree and feelings of emptiness left by the reams of injustice.   I am completely lost how to deal with this emotionally.   I keep trying each day.  Every new dawn is another opportunity for hope.   Hope is all I have.  I get very scared a day will arrive and there is no more hope.

Images @ Eminpee Fotography